


You Got the Silver

by SaraiVe



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Non-Canon Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-02-26 06:54:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 46,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2642351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraiVe/pseuds/SaraiVe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story kind of (okay, REALLY) got out of hand...it was meant to be a reasonably brief one-shot that turned into something else...it's also an experiment of sorts.  It's for the Brick Day prompt 'Long Nights.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing about The Walking Dead (but huge kudos to Robert Kirkman, Scott Gimple, Greg Nicotero, Gale Anne Hurd, the cast, crew and everyone else who works hard to bring us a quality show every week!), the song from which I took the title (love the rendition by Susan Tedeschi) or any other songs, books, poems or brand names that may be mentioned in the work.

Beth blinked in disbelief as Dawn announced she’s bringing in a new lead officer and stepped aside to reveal the now clean-shaven face of Rick Grimes. The remains of what was once one of the best trauma hospitals in the southeast, Grady Memorial, have been the last place she wants to be since waking up. She cannot imagine anyone coming here voluntarily, but here he is and it’s all she can do not to run to him and fling herself in his strong arms. His eyes lighten when he sees her, but he gives no indication that he knows her at all and she keeps her features schooled into the blank look she’s tried hard to perfect since waking up. Dawn glances between the two of them and her eyes harden before takes Beth aside to tell her that if Rick wants her Beth will let him do what he wants or Dawn will beat her again and Beth’s face and torso are already black and blue. Rick uses the guise of Beth being “his” to protect her and spend time alone with her while they plot the takedown of Dawn and her officers and their escape with any of the other people who want to come along. They’re alone on the roof with the guinea pigs and vegetables when he tells her that he served with Dawn in King County before she’d transferred to the police department in the city of Atlanta and how it had made it easy to convince her to trust him. They stay out for hours, looking over the ruins of the city and talking softly, careful to muss each other’s hair and clothing before going back inside. Rick spends nights with the young blonde to protect her and Dawn seems satisfied that Beth is finally going along with what the former police officer still insists is the “greater good.” Their escape doesn’t go exactly as planned and almost all the other escapees die and Beth is injured in one of her legs, but they do make it out and take out as many of the corrupt officers as possible while doing so. The group decides to head toward DC (because even though Eugene lied his logic is irrefutable; besides, they need a goal) using some of the vehicles the officers of the hospital have been using and disabling the rest. There’s a tanker truck of fuel nearby that has been used to keep the black cars gassed up and the group fills the cars’ tanks as well as ensuring the extra gas cans in the trunks are filled and then head out.

The reunion between Daryl and Beth was almost impossibly sweet and the group’s time on the road is marked by interactions between those two, both tender and…well, not as tender. Daryl had been so traumatized by the way he lost her before that he can turn into a jackass without any warning and Beth seems to be the only one who can really calm him down, though sometimes she has to fight back to get him to do it. Still, everyone was surprisingly tolerant and mostly amused, never having been able to picture what Daryl in love would be like and finding most of his new quirks funny, especially the fact that he will barely let Beth walk for weeks and even insists on carrying her to go to the bathroom until she puts her foot down.

They reach the Alexandria Safe Zone after weeks of travel, during which time Judith and Beth become reacquainted and even the people in the group sometimes forget that Beth’s not the baby’s mother. Judy’s hair has lightened with so much time outside and between that and her big blue eyes, she really does look like Beth’s natural daughter and even Rick catches himself staring at times as the nineteen-year-old cares for the child. The fact that every stranger they meet assumes the child is Beth’s doesn’t bother her, but she does wish it wouldn’t bother Daryl so much.

Among the first people they meet in the ASZ are Samantha and her daughter Cassie, who immediately takes to Daryl with the same surprising passion that many children exhibit around the redneck. Beth watches Daryl with the child and her mother who also seems to have taken a liking to Daryl, and thinks _Huh…instant family, just add water_.

It’s not water, but whiskey they add a few nights later when some of the people in Alexandria decide to throw a party to welcome the newcomers and provide housewarming gifts. Samantha brings the large bottle of liquor and somehow ends up next to Daryl, sharing the drink almost exclusively with the quiet man, who opens up throughout the evening as he gets more lit until the two disappear around the side of Rick’s new house after a couple hours.

Beth’s been jealous and unhappy all evening at Daryl’s treatment of her and how quickly he’s seemed to forget her with the attention from the attractive older woman…well, older than Beth anyway…she’s probably a little under Daryl’s age of thirty-seven, which Beth had finally gotten out of the redneck while they were on the road. When they disappear together, Beth quickly wraps up her conversation with the young couple she’s been speaking to who have a daughter Judith’s age and heads around the house in silent pursuit. Rick’s watched Daryl and Samantha and Beth unobtrusively throughout the party and excuses himself from a conversation with Michonne to follow right behind the blonde.

They round the corner of the house to be confronted with the sight of Daryl’s pants around his ankles and his bare butt flexing and he drives into Samantha, whose skirt is around her waist and her legs wrapped around Daryl’s waist. The act’s over almost as soon as it’s begun, Daryl goes off so quickly, but Samantha flashes a triumphant smile in Beth’s direction as Rick grasps the young woman’s arm and waist and hurries her away before there’s a huge confrontation with many witnesses that he knows would haunt the blonde. Instead of going back to the party, he helps her inside the house and up the stairs to his bedroom and holds her while she breaks down and sobs into his shirt. He eventually helps her sit on the bed while he opens his nightstand drawer and pulls out a small first aid kit from their time on the road and takes out a couple of painkillers with a powerful sleep aid and gets Beth to take them with some water from the bottle by his beside. After a while, the pills kick in and the young blonde falls asleep in his arms; Rick lays her down on the bed and pulls a blanket over her before heading back to the party.

Samantha and Cassie have left and Daryl’s now looking frantically for Beth, which Rick thinks his friend really should have been doing much earlier in the evening instead of attending only to Samantha and the bottle of whiskey. When Daryl asks if he knows where Beth is, Rick takes him aside and tells him that they saw him with Samantha earlier and that he needs to leave Beth alone that night and sends his friend home to the house he’s been sharing with Abraham, Rosita and Tara, (Eugene having been moved to live with a couple other scientists who really are working on a cure, though they haven’t come up with anything promising yet).

The next day there’s a huge meeting of the members of the security teams, which includes almost everyone except Beth, Eugene, Tyreese, Carol, Carl and Judith and they ask for volunteers to go out looking for more survivors. Abraham, Rosita, Daryl, Michonne, Maggie and Glenn all volunteer and are assigned to teams, all of which will be gone weeks or, possibly, months on their missions depending on where they’re going.

Daryl and Michonne leave with their team the very next day and Rick knows Daryl’s left only because Michonne told him they were on the same team. She’s been living in the house with Rick and the kids, but strictly as friends after a discussion in which Michonne told the former deputy she didn’t want to ever have another romantic relationship because she can’t face that kind of loss again and he’s really not sure he’s up to it yet either. Daryl leaves without saying good-bye to either Beth or Samantha and Beth’s heartbroken, even more so because Maggie and Glenn are leaving in two more days and not only will she miss them, but she’s not sure that she can live alone after nearly two years of mostly living in the pockets of the other people in the group.

Rick comes home that night to find Beth cooking dinner while Judith sits on the floor playing with blocks and Carl sets the table and he feels a sense of relief at seeing the blonde in his home and she seems okay and his kids are being well cared for. She hasn’t picked up another job yet because Rick had asked her to continue to help with the kids; he can’t really pay her because he’s being paid except in goods and services since money’s not being used yet, but he’s said he’ll help her if she needs anything. They’d had a small fight to get the ASZ administration to not force her to get a job because they desperately needed caregivers for both old and young in the form of nurses, teachers and daycare workers and not only is Beth skilled at caretaking, she’s an unmarried adult not someone’s spouse or child. He’s not sure it’s fair to Beth, but he hates the idea of strangers caring for his daughter and he doesn’t mind sharing his resources with the young woman. Tyreese has found a job as a teacher at the school and Carol’s working in the administration of the local government and all the others, except Eugene, work in security, including Rick, who’s separated by being on the ASZ’s police force and not the security teams.

Maggie had asked Beth to give her some time alone with Glenn, so Beth had asked Rick that morning if he’d mind her staying the night and he’d told her she could have Michonne’s room, which has been cleared of all the warrior’s stuff. After the kids are in bed, Rick and Beth sit on the porch, drinking hot chamomile tea and talking while studiously avoiding the subject of Daryl. Abraham and Rosita are leaving the next morning and Maggie and Glenn the day after and they do talk about that; Beth admits she’s not sure she’s going to be able to sleep without her sister and brother-in-law in the house with her. When they were living on the road or in the prison, she’d long sometimes for privacy, but the thought of living in a two-story house alone is stressful. She’d only been sixteen when the Turn started and had never lived on her own and she’s not sure she wants to try it now. Rick knows he will worry about the young woman living alone for what they believe now will be weeks, but which could easily turn into months, and invites her to move in to the guest room for the time Maggie and Glenn will be gone without thinking about it twice and she accepts the same way. Not only will Rick worry less, but he sometimes gets called out at odd hours and it would be more convenient all-around if she was right there.

The next day Beth moves her few belongings from Maggie’s house to Rick’s and Maggie and Glenn join Rick, Beth and the kids for supper, which is a feast of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy and salad made from ingredients Beth had gotten with some of the coupons Rick receives for his work. Maggie and Glenn leave not long after supper is over after hugging Beth, Rick and the kids warmly and Rick helps dry the dishes while Beth washes and Carl watches Judy. After the dishes are done, Carl goes upstairs to take a shower while Beth refills the sink with warm water and gives Judy a bath while Rick stands nearby with a dry towel waiting for his clean little girl and talking with Beth in between teasing Judy with a game of peek-a-boo using the towel. After his shower, Carl elects to stay in his room reading, so Rick and Beth say good-night to him when they go upstairs to put Judy to bed in the crib in Rick’s room. Once the little girl is asleep, they go downstairs, make hot tea again and go back out on the porch to talk quietly while watching the stars while Rick laughs about them creating a tradition and Beth teases it takes more than two times to establish a pattern.

The arrangement with Beth living with Rick and the kids works better than they could have imagined and when Rick has some of his single co-workers over for a home-cooked meal he has to grit his teeth as Mark, a handsome twenty-seven-year-old man with a cocky attitude, spends the evening hitting on Beth. To be fair, he’d only called Beth his friend in the past and had been careless enough to admit they were not involved physically, but he barely makes it through the supper without decking his co-worker, although Beth has been handling the come-ons with surprising grace, turning Mark down without being insulting or unpleasant and changing the subject each time to include everyone.

Judith starts fussing partway through the delicious supper, seeming to sense the tension in the room and Beth excuses herself to take the little girl upstairs with a warmed comfort bottle. In her absence the others tease Rick about his live-in Barbie doll until Carl has to excuse himself or say something rude. The teenager doesn’t mind the idea of his father and Beth as much as he hates hearing the other men talk about the young woman who was his first serious crush and is now his friend and he’s been fighting the urge to be rude all evening.

Judy cries for a while before quieting, but Beth doesn’t come back downstairs and the guests leave only about an hour after supper. When Rick goes upstairs he finds Beth and Judith curled together on his bed, sound asleep, the empty bottle on the nightstand. He can’t bring himself to get them up, so he gets an extra blanket out of the closet and spreads it over them before getting ready for bed, climbing in on the other side and falling asleep. He wakes up when his alarm clock goes off to find Beth and Judy still in bed with him and the sight of a sleepy, tousled Beth Greene in his bed makes him painfully aroused in a second. He manages to grate out a good morning before heading to the bathroom for a (cold) shower to get ready for his day.

Rick’s vowed that he’s not having Mark over to the house again and almost explodes later that day when he comes home to find Mark on his porch calling on Beth, who is holding Judith. She wouldn’t allow the other man into the house without Rick or Carl home, but he’d talked her into coming out on the porch with the excuse that he needed to wait for Rick and wanted her company while he waited. Beth wasn’t at all sure he would stay outside if she didn’t, so she’d sat as far away as she could manage and kept hold of Judith, (who was fortunately being agreeable about being held for so long now that she was toddling), but sprang up when she saw Rick was home and hurried to greet him with a closed-mouthed kiss on the lips that set his heart racing more than it already was from his anger. He returned it and put his arm around her while they walked back toward the porch. Rick sent Beth inside with a gentle hand on her lower back before rounding on his co-worker.

Mark finally seems to have realized how badly he’s screwed up on some level and holds out the report that he’d said he would bring Rick before turning tail and leaving with the excuse of meeting some of the guys for drinks.

Rick turns to go inside and doesn’t allow himself to wonder about the kiss or if things will be different with Beth now. He wants them to be different…he’s figured that out, but it’s only been a couple months since Daryl cheated on Beth and left town without a word. Granted, he knew Daryl had never even really declared himself to Beth, that they’d never done much more than hold hands…he’s pretty sure the redneck never once kissed her. Still, everyone had been able to see the love shining between them...it had been obvious to them all. He knows Samantha had been able to see it as well and there’s a part of him that will always be angry at her for her part in seducing the redneck. Rick can guess at why Daryl did what he did and he knows Beth probably can as well; hell, she probably understands better than anyone. The question in Rick’s mind now is whether or not Beth can live with it and if she will take Daryl back when he returns. In a fit of self-awareness, Rick knows with his whole being that he wants Beth for himself.

For the first time in years he looks forward to coming home every day; his kids are happy…he’s never known Carl to talk as easily as he’s doing right now and Judy is at her most content since the prison now that she again has Beth, Rick and Carl there every day. One of them is always with her and Beth makes an effort to get both the kids outside every day and keep them involved in what’s happening in the family and community. Their home is filled with music and there’s laughter every day.

They have pancakes on Sundays and they are the best he’s ever had in his life.

Beth’s cheeks turn pink when Rick enters the kitchen. Judith is now playing on the floor while Carl, who'd snuck in the back door when he'd seen Mark on the porch, sits at the table studying. (When they’d first arrived he’d hated the idea of school again, but at his age it’s voluntary and one of the schools actually offers classes in construction and practical mechanics and he can see the value in knowing those things.) As much as Rick wants to walk over and slip his arms around Beth and try for another kiss, he knows why she did it in front of Mark and isn’t sure if she meant it in any other way. Instead he asks if he can do anything to help and she sets him to chopping vegetables for a salad she wants to go with the chicken and rice dish she’s making. They talk easily and Carl joins in when he’s done studying, picking up Judith when she starts to fuss, but hands her over to Beth upon discovering the reason for the fussing is a dirty diaper. Beth teases him, but takes Judy upstairs to take care of her, calling down after a minute that things are worse than expected; by the time they come back downstairs, both are freshly showered and changed, the salad’s ready and in the cold room, just off the kitchen and the chicken and rice dish is out of the oven. The blonde hands the little girl over to her daddy and mixes up a quick balsamic vinaigrette that is their favorite while Carl finishes setting the table and brings the salad back in.

Supper that night is typical for their household…it starts with a prayer for all their friends and family. Rick’s not sure if he believes in a benevolent and caring god anymore, or if there’s anything out there looking after them in the grand scheme of things, but it’s comforting to all of them and seems important to Beth. The rest of the meal is full of talk and laughter, much at the expense of Judith after Beth cools a small bowl of the chicken and rice dish and makes sure everything is well-mashed and tries to feed it to the little girl who is determined to feed herself and who manages to grab a handful of the food and push part of it into her mouth before smearing the rest of it over her face and into her hair. Judy’s being stubborn that night and there are a couple other incidents before the bowl is clean and at least most of the food seems to be in the little girl. Rick laughs the hardest and Beth rewards him by handing him a rather creamy toddler at the end of the meal for clean-up duty while she finishes her own meal.

They are surprised a couple weeks later by the return of Maggie and Glenn. Beth’s been going over at least once a week and keeping their house clean and aired out, but at that point they’ve been gone nearly two months longer than the anticipated six weeks and it’s been a challenge to hold out hope. Rick and Beth have the other couple over for supper along with Tyreese and Carol and Maggie shocks them all with the joyful news that she’s pregnant and the sisters both end up in happy tears while Rick clasps Glenn warmly on the shoulder and offers his congratulations to his friends before there are hugs all around and Rick brings out two bottles of wine he’s been keeping for a special occasion.

It only takes a short discussion for it to be decided that Beth will continue to stay in Rick’s house as he has three bedrooms while Maggie and Glenn’s place only has two and Maggie’s dying to create a nursery with Beth’s help. The rest of the dinner is spent catching up and they all talk into the early morning since the next day is Saturday and a day off or late day for all of them. They have a lot to catch up on and Tyreese even fills everyone in on the new man Sasha’s seeing since she couldn’t come because of guard duty. By the end of the evening Beth’s face hurts from laughing and smiling so much, but she graces them with a couple songs, when asked.

Carol, who had been at the party where Daryl had gone off with Samantha and now lives only two houses away from her, pulls Beth out onto the porch for a quiet talk to let her know that Samantha’s pregnant. As Beth collapses into one of the porch chairs, Carol’s quick to reassure her that the other woman had found a new man within days of the party who has been living with her and Cassie, so the assumption is that the baby belongs to this man, Micah, though the announcement came only a couple weeks after the party. The older woman just doesn’t ever want her friend to be blindsided by Samantha in public should they run into each other. They all live within blocks of each other and Beth’s really not sure how she’s managed to not see Samantha all these months, so she makes sure to thank Carol for the warning.

After everyone else has left the blonde tells Rick about Samantha and Rick’s not at all sure how to respond, though he wants to tell Beth about his own feelings and beg her to be his, so he settles on asking her about her feelings. Beth sips her tea before saying she was shocked at first and she’s certainly unhappy that the child could be Daryl’s. As mad as she is at the redneck, she has to admit the thought of Daryl’s child being raised by another man also hurts because she knows how good he is with children. She thinks about it for a minute while Rick remains silent waiting for her to work out whatever it is she wants to say before adding that Daryl never wanted children because he was afraid he’d hurt them. Beth reluctantly shares the information that he’d always been afraid he’d hurt her as well and she had never been able to convince him fully of her love and that he was worthy of it because his dad had told and shown him he was worthless and Merle had convinced him that nobody could ever love him other than Merle.

Tears pour down Beth’s face as she talks about it and Rick pulls her into his lap and holds her close while she cries. He admits he knew about Daryl’s self-esteem issues and that his friend had been badly abused in his childhood and that overcoming that kind of thing is incredibly difficult and there are a lot of people who never manage it. Beth nods and swipes at her tears before admitting that was what her father had said. She giggles through her tears at Rick’s shocked expression and admits that Hershel had talked with her about all the eligible men at the prison. He’d loved Daryl and had seen something between the Beth and the redneck long before it became obvious to them, but had warned Beth that people with terrible self-esteem often did things in their relationships subconsciously to prove that they weren’t worthy of love. Beth thinks that’s what happened at the party and she can understand that, she just doesn’t know if she can live with it.

It takes all Rick has not to ask her to make a decision right then and to refrain from asking what Hershel had said about him, but he’s chewing on the inside of his cheek to keep from doing it. Instead he cuddles the small woman close and enjoys it more than he probably should when she puts her arms around his shoulders and her wet face next to his neck. He can feel her warm breath against his throat as she stops crying and her breathing evens out. They stay like that for a few minutes, until Beth feels a fizzle of awareness starting in her chest that seems to spread and take over and she excuses herself quickly and is upstairs and closed off in her room before Rick makes it out of his chair and into the house with their cups.

As much as Rick wants to talk to her about what happened, they have a rash of issues at work that keep him out late the next several nights. A few teams returned around the same time and there have been issues with people getting drunk and rowdy now that they are back within the walls. He barely has time to eat and would have been in trouble if Beth hadn’t packed him a lunch every morning. Five days later he makes it home in time for supper to find Abraham and Rosita were there as well as Maggie, Glenn, Tyreese, Sasha, Tara and Carol, who had brought potluck to welcome the newest couple home. Abraham and Rosita announce that they are getting married and are being given their own house as a result. Dinner’s in full swing when the front door opens and Michonne walks in looking exhausted, but as stoic as ever…she greets everyone quickly then heads upstairs for a shower.

Beth starts upstairs to clear out her room when Tara says Michonne would be welcome at their house if she doesn’t mind and Rick urges the blonde to wait. After her shower, Michonne comes back downstairs with a questioning look on her face and Tara extends her offer, which Beth follows up quickly with the proposal that she sleep on Rick’s couch while Michonne moves back into her old room. After a beat, Michonne turns to Tara and accepts her offer but add that she’ll sleep on Rick’s couch until Abraham and Rosita move out in a couple weeks, which seems to satisfy everyone.

While the party’s still going on, Beth takes a moment to step outside and breathe in the cooler night air. Her first thought upon seeing Michonne home was that Daryl was home as well and her heart’s beating faster just knowing that he’s back and close by. She knows Michonne would have said something already if the redneck hadn’t made it back from the mission. As she sits down she sees a shadow detach itself from the others and recognizes Daryl’s form and gait instantly, so she gets up to go meet him and they walk so that they’re still visible from the house, but not too close.

They can hear the music and laughter from inside as Daryl stops about a foot away from her and they stare at each other some more, each making sure the other is okay. Daryl obviously hasn’t showered since getting back and she wonders how long he’s been standing in the trees waiting for her to come outside. Beth can see Daryl’s unease at being there and the prospect of what’s coming, but he also seems determined and they finally have the talk that Beth’s waited almost four months to have. Daryl tells her he’s not worthy of her, that he never will be and he cannot let her waste her life on him, adding that if they stayed together he would continue to hurt her and he won’t be able to live with himself if that happens and he urges her to find someone else. By the time he finishes his quiet speech, they’re both in tears and he’s holding Beth pressed tightly to him when she tells him how much she will always love him and how worthy he is of love and probably the best man she’s known other than her father and she hopes he will realize that someday. To even her surprise, though, she finds herself adding that she’s not going to wait any longer for him. It’s been over a year since they’d shared their moment over Zach, since Beth had started a serious campaign to make him see himself as she saw him and she just can’t keep waiting for him.

She would if she thought there was any hope of changing him, but losing her outside of the funeral home seems to have not only set him back to where he’d started, but made it even worse and he can’t seem to let it go. Daryl stubbornly says he can’t let it go because letting go of how he was and letting his guard down was what led to her getting taken and it can’t ever happen again. He’d rather know she’s safe with someone else than in danger with him.

They talk for a long time and Rick comes to the front door to check on Beth only to see her out near the road talking quietly with Daryl. He can tell that they’re both crying and, God, there’s a part of him that feels bad about it, but he can’t help but hope that the talk is about how they cannot be together. The former deputy can’t imagine his life without Beth anymore; he wants her with him every day for the rest of his life. He goes back to the party and makes sure everyone is engaged and talking until Beth comes back in, her eyes pink and a little puffy, but holding a peace that hasn’t been there in months.

Judith hasn’t been put to bed when all the guests leave, because almost everyone had wanted to hold her, especially Carol and Tyreese, so Beth heads upstairs with the child and Carl while Rick stays in the living room and talks with Michonne. After Judy is down and Carl’s getting ready for bed, Beth grabs extra bedding and pillows and heads downstairs. Michonne smiles and helps Beth make up the couch, before telling Rick and Beth that she needs to sleep and they head upstairs instead of going out on the porch. As they reach the top of the stairs, Rick trails after the petite blonde as she heads toward her room and she casts a questioning glance over her shoulder, but doesn’t stop him.

Rick closes the door of Beth’s room after they’re inside and motions for her to sit on the bed. He’s pacing and nervous and Beth gets really worried until he tells her he saw her talking with Daryl that evening and asks if she needs to talk. Beth tells him briefly that Daryl hasn’t changed how he feels in any way; he still loves her, but doesn’t believe he deserves her and says he can’t be with her. There’s a piece of Beth’s heart that still belongs to him, but he won’t listen to her, won’t let go of the belief that he’s not good enough and she believes him when he says he will continue to hurt her, even though he doesn’t want to. She adds that even the best counselor who’d ever lived couldn’t have made progress with Daryl because he’s determined not to let go of his beliefs and doesn’t want to change because he believes his change before caused him to lose her.

Rick’s amazed that she’s so calm about it and tells her so and she gives a little laugh and says she’s had months to think about it and cry about it, but that the crying has been over for a while. She’d already made up her mind about what she’d have to do if he wouldn’t let go of his belief that he’s not worthy of love.

By this point, Rick’s on the bed next to her and hugs her close telling her he believes she made the right decision. Beth looks up from the circle of his arms and says that Daryl’s a great man and deserves love; it was the redneck’s beliefs that would hold him back unless he can ever let them go. Rick hesitates a minute before confirming that Beth really doesn’t want to try to get back together with his friend and is relieved when she says with calm certainty that she doesn’t. They sit for a minute before he realizes he’s still holding her close and that she’s put her arms around him too and is snuggled into his chest. He starts to pull away from her and isn’t sure what he’s going to do next when Judith starts crying down the short hallway to his bedroom and they both get up to go get her.

Beth’s out the door first because Rick’s instincts take over and he opens the door and steps back to allow her to pass and they hurry down the hall to get the little girl. Rick finally goes downstairs to get a bottle when she won’t settle or allow him to hold her, reaching for Beth when they try to shift her between them and Beth settles on Rick’s bed to give Judy her bottle while Rick gets ready for bed.

It takes a long time for Judith to fall into a sleep deep enough for Beth to lay her down and Beth’s about to stumble down the hall to her own room when Rick, who’s been dozing, pulls the covers back on the free side of the bed in silent invitation and she just kicks off her shoes and crawls in, completely worn out from the long day. They’ve both slept in his bed on rare occasions, but there’s a difference in Rick’s mind when he wakes up because Beth and Daryl aren’t together anymore and she’s free to love and be loved.

In spite of Michonne being in the house, Rick starts his campaign to win over Beth that same morning. At heart, he’s always been very tactile and he allows himself to touch her more starting at breakfast that day…it’s still not as much as he wants, but it’s more than he has been and he starts adding in occasional kisses on her temples, forehead and cheeks and Beth responds in kind. Along with the touching, they go on picnics or when they hear there’s a concert or a dance...anything he thinks she will like, with or without the children.

A couple months later, he still hasn’t been able to bring himself to talk to Daryl about his feelings for Beth when it’s just the two of them hanging out, but Rick and Beth run into the redneck while walking home from one of the parks several weeks later. Rick’s got the picnic basket in one hand and is holding one of Judy’s hands with the other while Beth has the little girl’s other hand and a quilt over her other arm. Judy screams when she sees her Uncle Daryl and jumps excitedly between her dad and Beth who let go of her hands when Daryl smiles and calls to the little girl. They’re still on the grass and Daryl steps off the sidewalk into the grass so that the toddler won’t hit the concrete and scoops her up when she’s close enough. Rick simply reaches over and takes Beth’s free hand and she blushes a little, but doesn’t pull away as they approach the redneck. They can see it when Daryl sees them holding hands and for a second his heartbreak and resignation show before he hides them behind a mask. His expression softens again, though, as Judy leans in and gives him the sweetest kiss on the cheek and tells him she loves him. Beth’s heart melts at that moment and she feels guilty until she looks up and sees the same reaction in Rick’s expression as he watches his daughter with his friend.

On impulse, Beth invites Daryl over for supper and he refuses, but when Judith doesn’t want to let go of him, he says he’ll walk back to their house with them. After a minute, he gives Beth a silent signal that says he wants to talk to Rick, so Beth excuses herself to go get supper started and walks ahead of the men. Daryl eyes Rick as he watches the blonde walk away before asking quietly if he loves her and will be good to her and Rick affirms both those things. The redneck nods and Rick doesn’t think there’s anything else to say; he’d talked to his friend back on the road and knows Carol has also tried to boost his self-worth, but there’s something in Daryl’s mind that can’t let go of the belief that he will never be worthy of love. It breaks Rick’s heart and he doesn’t try to hide it in his eyes when he meets Daryl’s again and the younger man nods and looks away. They talk all the way back, interspersing their talk with talking to Judy, but they are all the way back to the house and Beth’s come back out with glasses of water for them before Daryl reveals he and Michonne are going back out again with their team in three days and it will be another long mission. Beth wishes him well and invites them both to come back in 2 days, which will be a Sunday, and she’ll see if she can reach out to the other members of their group for a party around 2 PM so Daryl and Michonne can see everyone before they leave and still get to bed at a reasonable hour. Daryl looks into her eyes and nods after a couple seconds before Judith demands to go back to Beth who reaches to take her, but then has to hold the little girl up while she gives her Uncle Daryl another kiss before going inside.

After Beth’s back inside Daryl and Rick look at each other for a minute without words, Rick ducking his head as a way of asking if things are okay before Daryl nods and they clap each other on the shoulders for a moment. After Daryl leaves, Rick goes inside and is relieved when he sees Beth doesn’t seem upset at all; she’s kicked off her shoes and is unloading the picnic basket with one hand while holding a tired Judith with her other arm.

Carl’s over at a friend’s house working on a project for their class and won’t be back until the next evening and Rick doesn’t let himself think about it too much when he goes up to Beth and pulls her gently into his arms. Feeling something different in Rick’s touch, she gives a little hum of inquiry as she turns her face up to his and he brings his lips down on hers and is gratified to feel her respond. The kiss stays sweet and soft for a moment, but when he feels her push up on her toes when he starts to pull away he can’t stop the groan that comes out of his throat and he pulls her in more firmly and continues the kiss only now it’s firm and demanding. Her lips part under his with a small gasp and he doesn’t hesitate to gently thrust his tongue into her mouth and taste her and almost loses his mind when she responds in kind with a small moan. Rick starts to push Beth backwards toward the counter trying to get as close as he can, but when she realizes what he’s doing, she pushes him back because Judith’s legs are on both sides of her hips and she doesn’t want the child to get hurt and the little girl’s starting to squirm uncomfortably anyway.

“Hey” Beth says, as she pulls back with a small smile.

“Hey” Rick responds softly, as though seeing her for the first time that day, brushing back the hair that always seems to come out no matter how she pulls it back these days.

“I need to give her a bottle and put her down; I think we wore her out.”

“I’ll get the bottle for her if you want to change her,” he replies, so Beth nods and takes the little girl upstairs. Even though Judith’s been eating solid food for a while, she normally likes to have what they call a comfort bottle and a snuggle with Beth before being put into her crib.

By the time he gets upstairs with the warmed bottle, Beth’s changed Judy out of her dirty clothes and into a sleeper as well as changing herself into a pair of leggings and one of Rick’s sweatshirts, which comes halfway down her thighs. Rick’s breath catches at the sight of the blonde in his shirt as he hands over the bottle before sitting next to Beth and Judy, who falls asleep about halfway through the bottle. Rick takes her from Beth, kisses his daughter’s forehead tenderly and lays her down in the crib. Beth stands beside him and they look at the little girl for a moment before she looks up at him and lays a hand on his arm and it’s all over for Rick as he grabs her and tugs her as close to his body as he can slanting his mouth over hers roughly.

She gives a little gasp as he turns her and backs her up into a wall and works his one of his legs between hers, bringing her up on her toes and he lets out a low growl when he can’t get her close enough and grabs her butt and pulls her up and she wraps her legs around his waist. He breaks away from her mouth and starts kissing and tonguing down her neck and Beth mewls helplessly when he reaches a particularly sensitive spot and he works his mouth there until she’s panting against him and her hands are clutching his hair and shoulder almost painfully.

He pulls away from her neck and kisses her mouth again, lips parting at once and his tongue battling hers for dominance. Turning them again, he heads for the bed and she gives a little squeak as he suddenly breaks the grip of her legs and arms and tosses her into the middle of the mattress and quickly toes off his boots before crawling up onto the mattress with her.

Beth seems nervous and he stops for a moment to grind out “You want to stop at some point, you let me know” and she nods just before he pulls her in and kisses her again, laying her back onto the pillows. After a new moments of serious deep kissing, Rick flips them so that Beth’s on top and runs his hands down her back and up her sides. He does it a few times before moving one of his hands around to palm one of her breasts, grinning a little when she gasps against his mouth, then pushes into his hand. Grabbing the hem of the shirt, he pulls it up and over her head revealing her lacy, pale pink bra and pulling her back down to kiss her again before moving his mouth away and down her neck again, stopping at her sweet spot before working down to her chest. Her fingers are working frantically to get his shirt unbuttoned and it’s completely undone when his mouth reaches her breast and puts his mouth over her nipple and breathes hot, moist air onto her before biting her nipple gently, causing her to whine and buck against him.

“You like that, sweetheart?” he teases, but something else activates in his brain at Beth’s frantic nodding. “Answer me, Beth” he says firmly, pulling back from her.

“Yes!” she gasps against him. “Please, Rick!”

He grins and pulls her back to him before unhooking her bra, pulling it down her shoulders and tossing it away before flipping them again so that he’s on top before drawing one of her nipples back in to his mouth while flicking and gently squeezing the other one. Beth’s hands are inside his shirt, exploring his torso, fingers running through his chest hair before she tweaks his nipples in response and grins when she makes him groan.

Rick tugs Beth down on the bed so that they’re kissing again and moves his hands lower to palm her butt and pull her as tightly into him as possible, grinding his erection against her through their clothing until she’s gasping and moving against him, clutching at his back and shoulders. When he can’t take it anymore, he grabs the waist of her leggings and that’s when he feels her freeze against him. “Stop, please, Rick” she gasps. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”

With a small groan, Rick pulls his hands back, but he doesn’t move off of her, “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he manages.

“I’ve never done this before” she admits, not meeting his eyes and he catches her chin with one hand and moves her head until she meets his eyes.

“It’s okay, sweetheart” he says before easing off her, pulling her close and kissing her again. “I meant what I said.”

She nods against him before lifting her eyes, “I’m glad you made a move today” she says shyly, startling him. “I was starting to think you didn’t think of me that way.”

“You could have made one,” he offers back. “In fact, any time you want to make one from now on, feel free.”

“You’re still wearing your wedding ring” she says gently, reaching to turn that item on his finger. “I wasn’t sure you were ready for more than friendship.”

“Want me to take it off?” he offers without hesitation.

With a shake of her head, Beth responds, “No, it’s like it’s a part of you, but I’ve never been sure if you wore it because you’re still in love with Lori or just to remember her.”

In reply, Rick removes the ring from his left hand and slips it onto his right, “Lori will always have a place in my heart, like Daryl will have a place in yours, but she’s not my future. Beth, I want you to be my future.”

Tears form in her eyes between his speech and actions, but she manages a little snort and a grin before teasing, “Rick Grimes, you better not be proposing to me in bed!”

He huffs a laugh in response and tugs her close again, “What would you say if I was?” He captures her lips with his own and kisses her soundly before pulling back a little, noting with satisfaction that her eyes are again looking a little glazed

“Not telling you” she says breathlessly and he rolls back on top of her, again forcing her legs apart until he’s settled against her.

“Told you once, I expect you to answer me when I ask you a question” he growls, bending this time to mouth and bite the sweet spot on her neck and she’s back to gasping and grinding against him in just seconds.

“Yes” she whispers.

“Can’t hear you” he grates out stubbornly, suddenly leaving her neck and moving back to her breasts while cupping her crotch with one hand and pressing firmly.

“Yes!” she screams, “Yes, Rick!” When he pulls back with a grin she adds in a softer tone, “I’d say ‘yes.’”

Judith sighs in her crib as she turns over, the noise disturbing her sleep and they both look over to check on her before looking back at each other.

“I’ll have to ask sometime, then” he huffs.

“Hey!” Beth takes him by surprise and flips them suddenly. “That’s not fair!” she adds, pinning his arms as best she can, both of them knowing he could break her hold easily.

“You said you didn’t was a proposal now” he reminds her, full-on laughing now at her indignant expression.

“Then you shouldn’t have made me tell you my answer!”

“You brought it up!”

Beth suddenly slides down his body and he groans in response at the feeling of her body sliding over his aching cock and Beth looks down, then back into his eyes and grins wickedly, “I sure did.” Then, she slips off the bed in one movement, grabbing the sweatshirt she’d been wearing off the floor before she’s out the door and heading down the stairs while pulling the shirt over her head and Rick lays back with a groan before getting up and heading into the bathroom.

The party goes well, except that Maggie is now getting hit with sickness at odd times of the day and has to excuse herself partway through the party after throwing up on a rose bush Beth’s planted near the house. Beth helps her sister back home while Glenn, who’s more than a little drunk, apologizes to the rose bush and the others laugh.

Judy’s really running now, though most of her talk still sounds like babbling, and she’s giggling like crazy as Daryl play-chases her around the yard before he catches her and throws her into the air, which makes her scream in delight. The little girl isn’t happy that day unless she has the attention of the redneck and she gives him something to do that doesn’t force him to socialize too much, so he’s grateful. He still talks to Rick, Carol and a couple others, though he mostly listens and holds Judith when he’s not running after her. He holds Judy when it’s time to eat and makes sure her food’s mashed or cut fine so that she doesn’t choke and cuddles her gently when it finally gets to be evening and she seems tired.

“You want to give Jude her bottle and help get her down?” Beth asks with a sweet smile when she sees Rick’s daughter rubbing her eyes against Daryl’s shoulder.

“Yeah” Daryl nods and follows Beth inside and back to the kitchen while she prepares the bottle and hands it to him before directing him up the stairs and to Rick’s room. They’re chatting the whole time…they haven’t lost that ability...but Beth notices Daryl tenses a bit when they reach Rick’s room before his shoulders relax as his eyes dart around the room.

He paces with Judith while giving her the bottle as Beth sits cross-legged on the made bed and they talk softly. After Judith’s down, Daryl asks if Beth still has the paperback copy of _Huckleberry Finn_ that he’d found for her while they were on the road and if she’d mind if he borrowed it for the journey he’s about to take.

“Sure, let me get it” she says quickly and heads down the hallway to her room. He follows her, standing in the doorway as she pulls the book off the small shelf on her nightstand and hands it to him. She sees him glance around there as well, but doesn’t address the fact that he’s checking out her living situation with Rick. It’s really not any of Daryl’s business at this point because he’s made his choice, but she’s trying to be understanding of the fact that he still has feelings for her.

When they get back downstairs, Beth tells him to be safe on the trip in case she doesn’t see him again before he leaves and hurries away to replenish some of the dishes on the table that are low. Daryl goes over to talk to Rick for a while before Michonne announces they need to go so they can rest. Rick asks for another minute with Daryl and walks his friend to the road and away from the others before he pulls out a diamond ring and holds out his palm to show it to Daryl.

“Bit sudden, isn’t it?” the redneck asks him after a beat. “You haven’t even held my hand yet.”

Rick snorts “Jackass” then gets serious. “I’m going to ask her soon and didn’t want you coming back to that without some warning…hope to get married pretty quick if she says yes.”

“Think she will?” Daryl asks, chewing on the cuticle of his thumb, his old habit from when he’s nervous or thinking hard about something.

“Think so,” Rick says with a nod “I hope so anyway.” There’s a lot more he wants to say, but he stops himself.

Daryl nods stoically, “Good luck, man…just be good to her or I’ll kick your ass when I get back.” The last part is said the tone that Rick knows means Daryl Dixon isn’t kidding and he nods.

“I’d fully expect you to” Rick responds seriously.

A few weeks later, while they are visiting Maggie and Glenn on a Saturday morning, Rick asks Beth to go to the commissary for a couple items he says he’s been craving. At the word “craving” Maggie instantly asks Glenn to go too and look for a couple items it’s rather improbable he’ll find and Beth laughs in sympathy and tells him she’ll help him look if he wants to come with her. When they’re gone, Rick pulls out the ring and shows it to Maggie and she instantly starts crying and hugging him.

“So, that means I have your blessing?” he asks as she squeezes his neck so hard Rick has a moment wondering if he’s actually going to pass out from the choke hold and laughs out that he has to breathe.

“Yes…you have my blessing!” Maggie chokes out as she pulls back laughing and crying at the same time. “I’ve been hoping for this for so long!”

They talk until they hear Beth and Glenn climbing the porch and Glenn triumphantly holds up a can of mandarin oranges with the pride of a hunter coming back with a buffalo and Maggie laughs in disbelief and demands he get the can opener at once. Beth’s found the items Rick asked for and they laughingly decide to go back to their house when Maggie attacks the opened oranges with moans that sound as though there’s an orgy in the kitchen. They joke as they walk back to the house and Beth waves the smoked sausage at him and says that if he has that same reaction to it when she cooks it the next day that she’s going to try to move in with Carol. Rick teases back that he’s never been that into sausages, he’s much more into eggs and Beth looks confused until he gives her a dirty look and wiggles his eyebrows and she blushes pink and giggles.

Once home they relieve Carl of sister duty before the teen tells them he’s got to meet his group to finalize some plans on a new water pump they’ve been working on. They want to make sure it works with maximum efficiency before the class meets again and calls that he’ll be home that night. Beth laughs when Rick comments on how devoted Carl seems to be to the class and tells him that one of the people in Carl’s group is a cute girl his age who is very serious about the class and getting their projects right.

Rick laughs in response “At least I understand now…he’s never been that dedicated to a class before.”

“Like father, like son, huh?” Beth teases, “I’ve heard you say you spent more time practicing on girls than doing your school work.”

‘That was Shane’s influence” he laughs “he took studying what girls wanted to a whole new level and I was just trying to keep up.”

They sit together on the couch and talk for a while about his one-time best friend, which leads to talking about Lori and what had gone wrong in their marriage, which he admits had gotten bad long before he was shot. Beth’s very serious when she tells him that he will know if she’s not happy with something and asks him to promise to talk to her about anything she does that irritates him rather than letting things build up.

“I can’t think of anything you do that irritates me” he smiles, drawing her to him for a kiss before turning her and rearranging them so that their legs are up on the couch and Beth’s laying back on him, her head on his shoulder.

Beth sighs as she relaxes, “I can’t think of anything about you right now, either; but, I know I’m not perfect…we’re both human and things are going to come up. You know it’s okay if they do, right?” She snuggles into him as they relax, watching Judy play on a blanket with the stuffed giraffe that’s easily her favorite toy while babbling softly.

He chuckles softly “Something always comes up when I’m alone with you these days.” To which she slaps his leg lightly and replies “Rick, I’m serious! I need to know you’re going to talk to me if something bothers you.”

“Well, there are a few things,” he says in serious tone, so she turns her head so that her face is tilted toward his and catches her breath when he takes advantage of the new position to kiss her soundly. “Your mouth’s too soft, I want to kiss it all the time,” he murmurs before running his hands down her arms, then up under her shirt. “Your skin’s so smooth, I’d rather touch you than go to work,” he adds, his hands on her breasts now, teasing and tugging gently, making her moan as his mouth leaves hers and travels over her cheek and down her neck. “Don’t get me started on your neck; I think about how you squirm and buck when I do this” he says, biting lightly on her sweet spot and making her do as he’d said, but trying not to mark her. “You’re far too beautiful, I can’t have my co-workers over for supper anymore and I know what men start thinking when they’re around you too long.” She sighs as he brings his mouth back to hers, his hands still under her shirt until one suddenly heads south and is cupping her through her pants.

“Gaaah!” yells Judith at maximum volume from next to the couch, where she’s pulled herself up and is watching them with interest. They both jump, Beth’s forehead hitting Rick’s nose hard enough that it brings tears to his eyes before they both get a fit of the giggles and Beth leans over to grab the little girl off the floor and onto her stomach.

“Were you feeling left out, honey?” Beth coos, bending her legs and laying Judy back against her thighs before tickling her lightly. “You’re pretty too, Judy! Plus, you’re smart and tough and you’re going to grow up to be the Asskicker your Uncle Daryl always says you are, aren’t you?” Judith’s got her hands around Beth’s thumbs now and Beth helps her pretend-box against unseen opponents, then holds her hands up in triumph, making the little girl chortle.

Beth glances at Rick, whose eyes have quit watering and asks “How’s your nose? I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine, sweetheart” he laughs. “I’m starting to think Jude is going to make us wait until we’re married” he adds.

“Did Grandpa Hershel tell you to do that?” Beth teases Judith with a laugh. “I’m sure he whispered it to you when you were just a tiny thing, didn’t he?”

Rick’s hands are urging her to sit up and she moves carefully to keep Judith safe while getting off him to allow him to get up. She’s still focusing on playing with the little girl when she’s distracted by Rick dropping to one knee beside them and glances over, thinking his daughter dropped something when her jaw opens to see him holding a ring out to her in one hand.

He takes her left hand while she clutches Judith to her with her right and says “I think we should do something about that now.”

Tears well up in her eyes as he says “Elizabeth Anne Greene, you have brought love and laughter back in to my home and made my kids and I happier than we have ever been before; will you marry me?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is still a little out of control...chapter 2 was going to be the last one, but I'm still writing, so there will be at least a chapter 3.
> 
> I own nothing about The Walking Dead...if I did the incredibly OOC, badly written episode with the magic gun that appeared out of nowhere in Dawn's hand to shoot Beth would never have happened. Rick, who always puts himself between those who are his and danger, would have pulled Beth away and gotten Noah back when Shepherd and the others had offed Dawn. Any characters dying on my watch (hey it is The Walking Dead) would have great scenes that were well-written and shot and would mean something to those watching and not just be used to showcase other characters. (I hope you know what I mean...Beth's meant a lot to me and her death's really made me sad.)
> 
> If any other brand-names, books, poems or songs are mentioned here, I don't own those either.
> 
> This chapter is un-beta'd. I hope you all enjoy. If I could, I'd give everyone who needs it a warm hug. And a cookie.

Beth doesn’t have a free hand to cover her gasp or wipe away the tears that well from her eyes immediately, but her smile is blinding right before she manages “Yes!” and leans forward, still holding Judith carefully, to kiss Rick as he leans in too and slips the ring on her finger.

As Beth sits back up, Judith squeals and pats her hands on Beth’s wet cheeks, then looks at her hands with a small frown. Beth wipes her cheeks and laughs, “It’s okay, Jude, they’re happy tears! It’s okay.” At her joyous tone, the little girl looks back at her and laughs, then leans in to kiss Beth too as the young woman pulls the girl into a hug and to cover her face with kisses in return until she’s laughing and squealing.

Rick grabs his daughter and plays with her while Beth takes a few minutes to examine her new ring and the former deputy looks at his new fiancé and asks if she likes it and offers to get her another if she doesn’t, then ends up laughing again as she clutches her left hand to her heart covering it with her right hand. “Don’t you dare think of taking this away from me!” she exclaimed. “I love it! I love you…and Judy and Carl…Carl! We have to tell him!” She jumps up as though she’s going to go find him right then and Rick laughs again and holds out a hand to stop her.

“He knows, sweetheart! Well, not that I asked you just now, but he’s known since I got the ring and has been bugging me about it every day.”

“Is he happy about it?” she asks, worrying. After all, Carl’s less than five years younger than she is and he’d made his crush obvious on the road and when they’d settled in the prison. The gap was huge at their age…she’d turned seventeen not long after meeting him and he hadn’t been twelve long at that point, still very much a little boy and she’d always felt more like a young aunt than anything else toward Rick’s son.

“He is thrilled…well, as much as he’s going to admit to it.”

She laughs then says, “Let’s go tell Maggie and Glenn, then! C’mon!” She grabs his shirt and drags him back next door.

Glenn meets them back at the door and exclaims in surprise and pleasure when Beth holds out her left hand before tugging his sister-in-law in for a tight hug. Maggie comes in from another room at the commotion, grabs her sister and pulls her into a hug as best she can around her pregnant belly, squealing excitedly, but something in her reaction makes Beth pull back and look at her older sister through narrowed eyes. “You knew?!” Beth exclaims before looking back at Glenn and adding with a grin “you didn’t.”

Rick and Glenn have hugged too and Judith’s now in her Uncle Glenn’s arms getting her own hug so she wouldn’t feel left out and Rick holds up his hands, “Guilty, but I had to ask Maggie for your hand; your dad would have wanted that.”

Maggie, now somewhere over six months pregnant and Beth, newly engaged, burst into tears at the statement and cling to each other, weeping, while Judith stares at them for a second then starts to wail along. Rick looks at the sisters, then back over at Glenn. “Let’s go outside” he says, taking his daughter back and heading out the front door and onto Maggie and Glenn’s porch.

The men end up out in the yard playing with Judith after Glenn grabs a ball out of a basket on the porch and shows it to the little girl, who immediately holds out her hands to the brightly colored sphere, tears forgotten. It’s a beautiful day and they have a great time until Rick literally gets called out the way it happens without phones, when a fellow officer drives down the street and yells at him to come because there’s been trouble in another section of the Zone. Glenn grabs Judy to keep her from following her dad while Rick yells at him to tell Beth where he’s gone and then he’s in the car and away.

Beth and Maggie are at the door and Glenn has to hand over the little girl immediately when she screams and holds her arms out for Beth. “Why don’t you stay and have dinner with us?” her brother-in-law asks and the blonde only hesitates briefly before accepting and hurrying next door to leave a note for Carl and get a diaper bag with all the things Judith will need. When they get back, Judy’s crying her exhausted cry and Maggie makes a bottle while Beth walks her and sings and Glenn makes silly faces until Beth calmly asks him not to saying she’s trying to soothe the little girl and not rile her up again. Once Judith’s had her bottle and is sound asleep, Beth lays her down on a blanket on the floor and goes in to talk to Maggie and Glenn and make supper for them. Glenn had actually been able to find an old-fashioned hand grinder with various blades at an old farmhouse while they were on the road and he’s bought a small roast with his coupons, which is just big enough for a couple meals for him and Maggie if they keep the portions small. Beth runs back home to get a partial loaf of bread, eggs, an onion and spices while Glenn grinds up the roast so that Beth can make meat loaf, which will be enough to feed all of them and let Beth take some home for Rick’s supper.

Carl eventually comes over and they eat the meat loaf with the fresh peas and carrots that Beth’s made to go with it and talk about Rick and Beth’s engagement and ideas for the wedding, each of which seems to make Maggie sob again. To Beth’s surprise, Carl seems anxious for them to get married and relieved when Beth says she wants to keep things simple and admits she would like the ceremony to be soon too. Beth watches Carl throughout supper and doesn’t think he seems quite like himself, so she excuses them after supper and carries a still knocked-out Judith home while Carl carries the diaper bag.

Beth sleeps in Rick’s bed to near Judith, but it’s Carl who wakes her up in the middle of the night when he runs to the bathroom and starts throwing up. When she stumbles in to check on him in the dim light of the night light in the bathroom she finds he is running a high fever. Immediately pulling the thermometer from the medicine cabinet she allows him to rinse his mouth with tepid water from the tap, then sticks it under his tongue and turns on the overhead light while they wait. When she reads the thermometer, it shows he’s burning up with a one hundred-three degree fever, but she tries not to panic and asks him if he’s had any other symptoms before giving him some medicine to help stop the nausea and bring his fever down. She’s been up with him for a couple hours, rinsing cloths in cool water and laying them on his forehead to try to keep his fever down, when Judith wakes up and starts screaming. Beth runs in to check on the little girl, terrified she’s also sick, only to find that she just needs a diaper change and a bottle, but then won’t go back to sleep.

An exhausted Rick stops by the house late the next day to shower and grab a change of clothes because the murder case had turned out to actually be multiple murders and more complicated than they’d imagined. He finds a bleary-eyed Beth with Carl, whose fever has come down, but who’s still sick as a dog and Judith, who seems healthy, but who is being very clingy and demanding. Beth hasn’t been able to put the little girl down without her screaming since she woke up in the middle of the night the night before and the blonde’s barely coherent by that point. They hold each other for just a minute, Beth simply leaning on Rick’s chest, before his ride’s back out in the driveway.

By the time he comes home a few nights later, Carl comes downstairs to greet Rick and let him know that everyone’s better and make sure that his dad’s case is over and this isn’t just another quick stop to grab more clothes. When he finds out the case is resolved and Rick even has four straight days off, the teen suggests that Rick use the time to get married to Beth and have a short honeymoon.

“Judy and I can go over and stay with Tyreese and Sasha for a few days. They have a couch and an extra mattress and Ty’s been trying to find time to spend with Judy since we got here,” Carl says.

“It’s awfully fast to have a wedding. I need to give Beth time to plan.”

“She said she doesn’t want anything fancy for the wedding and Carol can get you in with one of the Justices of the Peace whenever you’re ready…she came by and talked to us yesterday. All you have to do is let her know and show up. Maggie said she and Glenn would throw a party later, but that she will personally kill you if she and Glenn aren’t at the ceremony. Carol said everyone from our group needs to be there and you should tell Sasha to bring Ben and Tara can bring Maria.”

“Maria?”

“Tara’s girlfriend…she’s really nice and she makes the best cake!” Carl says with an exaggerated belly rub and eye roll for emphasis.

“I’ll talk to Beth in the morning” Rick promises, but can’t help asking, “Why does this mean so much to you?”

Carl shifts a little, “You remember that dinner party when Mark was here?” At his dad’s nod, he continues, “He was such a jerk and I hated having to sit there while he hit on Beth and make her uncomfortable. I couldn’t even say anything to him because you were still telling everyone you were just friends.”

“We were just friends then,” Rick protests, “I hadn’t said anything to her and it hadn’t been long since that party...”

“…when Daryl fucked Samantha?” Carl finishes for him, coldly.

“Don’t...Carl, Daryl has a terrible past….”

“He had a chance for a great future,” Carl says flatly, giving no quarter. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad Beth’s with us, but he shouldn’t have done what he did.” The teen shrugs it off and continues, “If Beth’s going to be part of our family anyway, I just want it to be soon so she won’t keep getting hassled so much.”

“Wait…what?” Rick says with a little laugh, “I wouldn’t call one dinner party being ‘hassled so much’ and Beth handled it really well.”

Carl looks his dad steadily in his eyes, “Dad, you’re a police officer here…what percentage of men to women are there here in the Safe Zone?”

Rick shrugs, “About two or three men to every woman…maybe a little higher.”

“How many of the women are young, single and as pretty as Beth?”

“Lot of the women Beth’s age are married and have a kid or two” Rick admits. “I haven’t met a lot of single women at all, no matter what they look like.” He shifts in his seat and runs his hand over his face, “Are you saying Beth’s getting hassled when she goes out?”

“If one of us isn’t with her, she has men following her around, asking her out, offering all kinds of things…this one guy grabbed her when she had Judith in her arms and two other guys pulled him off her and beat him….”

“You were there?”

“No, Beth told me about it after it happened because I saw the bruises when she pushed up her sleeves to cook supper.”

“When was that?”

“A couple months ago.”

Rick thinks back and remembers a couple weeks when Beth asked him to trade their normal dish duties, so he’d rolled up his sleeves and washed as she’d dried, then she’d announced she couldn’t get used to the new arrangement and they’d gone back to her washing. Carl can see him remembering and nods, “She asked me not to tell you because she doesn’t want you to worry about her and says she can take care of herself.”

“I’m glad you told me” Rick says with a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “It puts a new light on things.”

“She said she’s sure the engagement ring will help once she’s able to go back out, but you know most men here won’t mess with a woman with a wedding ring.”

“I’ll talk to her over breakfast. What have you been eating anyway?” Rick asks suddenly looking around the kitchen. Without any true refrigeration, Beth normally shopped every day, but they’ve just gone through a week where they could barely walk around the house.

“Glenn brought us a loaf of bread and some butter…toast is about all we’ve wanted anyway.”

“I’ll stop on my way back from seeing Carol tomorrow,” Rick promises as they rise to go to bed.

“Feeling confident, aren’t you?” Carl teases as they rise to go to bed and they joke quietly as they go upstairs to bed.

Judy’s sleeping soundly and, even sick and taking care of the kids, Beth had managed to clean Rick’s room and make up his bed with fresh linens, so he takes a quick shower and changes into a clean T-shirt and shorts before slipping into the crisp sheets with a sigh. His last thought before sleep claims him is how much better his life is with Beth in it.

When he wakes up the next morning, Beth’s already gotten Judith at some point and he can hear them downstairs with Carl. Rick dresses quickly and runs a wet comb through his hair to smooth it down before brushing his teeth and heading downstairs. Beth’s run next door and gotten some milk and eggs and is making the bread into French toast for their breakfast and Rick picks Judy up out of her chair to hug her for a moment before walking behind his fiancé and slipping an arm around her waist.

“I’m so glad you’re home,” Beth sighs, before putting down the spatula and turning to put an arm around his neck and gently pull him in for a warm, sweet kiss.

Rick gives a little hum of agreement down in his throat as he returns the kiss, then pulls back a little, “I have four days off…how’d you feel about going down and getting married today or tomorrow?”

Beth’s eyes go wide before she quickly turns to flip the toast so it won’t burn before she looks at Carl, “I’d love to, but Carl and Judy….”

“We'll go stay with Ty and Sasha after the ceremony,” Carl breaks in.

“Oh, Ty will love that! He always wants to see you guys.” Beth’s smile is big and genuine before she looks worried again, “What about your school, though?”

“No projects or big tests for me this week, and I can go to Lucy’s after Ty’s home from school to get our assignments,” Carl says, coming over to take his sister from their dad and looking expectantly between Rick and Beth, who’d turned back around to face him.

A huge smile breaks over Beth’s face and she says, “Well, then let’s do it!”

With an incoherent yell, Rick picks up the small blonde and swings her around before kissing her soundly and letting her go so they can hug Carl and Judith as well before Beth spins away to snatch the French toast off the burner and flip the toast onto a couple plates. She turns back and hugs Rick again as Carl grabs the plate with several pieces and the plate with one piece and takes Judy back to the table to feed his sister while Beth and Rick kiss again and talk about their plans.

Beth dips more pieces of bread into the milk and egg mixture before putting them into the still-hot pan and moving it back to the burner as they make plans for the day and week and Beth starts listing items Carl and Judith will need for several days away. By the time she and Rick are at the table with their own breakfasts, though, she’s got tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Rick asks, remembering how emotional Lori was around their wedding and not taking Beth’s reaction personally.

“I’m just going to miss having you guys here,” Beth says to Carl, including Judith in her look. Her eyes widen a little before she looks at Rick, “Not that I’m not looking forward to spending that time with you, but I haven’t had a day without Judy since you all got me out of the hospital.”

“They’re only going to be a few blocks away,” Rick says reassuringly, “and we know they’ll be as safe there as they would be here.”

“Yeah, and I don’t want to be here for your honeymoon,” Carl added with a grin.

Beth turns pink all the way down her neck and looks down before glancing up at Rick, “I don’t have a dress…it doesn’t really matter to me, but is it going to bug you?”

“No, it just matters that it’s you standing up there with me and saying ‘I do.’”

“I can manage that,” Beth says with a smile. “When are we doing this?”

“I’ll go talk to Carol if you’ll let your sister and Glenn know.”

Carl chips in with, “I’ll run by and let Lucy know and see Tyreese or Sasha on the way” as he grabs up his plate and Judith’s and takes them to the sink before coming back with a wet rag to clean up Judith’s sticky hands and face.

“I’ll see if I can reach Tara or Maria too,” Beth adds, standing with her own plate in her hand. “Are you done?” she asks Rick, who’s just taken the last bite and picks it up at his nod and deposits the dishes in the sink before picking up Judith. “I’m going to go catch Maggie and Glenn,” she says before heading out the door.

“That’s our cue to get going,” Rick says, standing and he and Carl move out quickly to try to get everything done.

Late afternoon of that same day finds Beth in a pretty white shirt, jeans and boots with her hair braided in a cute pattern by Maggie, holding Judith who’s wearing an adorable pink dress and Rick who’s wearing a blue chambray shirt, jeans and boots standing next to her with Carl by his side. The others who are in town have all made it and the only ones missing are Daryl, Michonne, Abraham and Rosita. Rick’s left his co-workers out and the only other person who made it is Tara’s girlfriend, Maria, since Sasha’s boyfriend, Ben, is on patrol. The ceremony is sweet and simple, but by the end Beth and Rick have been declared man and wife and Tyreese and Sasha have invited the others over to supper while the bride and groom slip out and head home.

Maggie and Beth had stopped at the market earlier so that there’s food at the house, but eating’s the last thing on their minds and Rick and Beth step through the door, lips hungrily glued together as they tug at each other’s clothing to get it off as quickly as possible.

“Let me get it” Beth gasps as Rick’s hands threaten to tear the delicate fabric of her shirt and she unbuttons a couple buttons and simply tugs it off over her head with Rick’s help, instead of bothering with the rest, her eager hands moving back to Rick’s shirt.

Rick takes the problem of his shirt out of her hands when he simply rips it open, scattering buttons haphazardly and pretty much flinging the shirt the rest of the way off as his mouth works its way down the column of Beth’s neck as she tries to toe her boots off while running her hands and mouth over his shoulders and neck. “Bedroom?” Beth murmurs, then moans as Rick gently bites her neck.

“Not making it that far,” Rick mouths as he lets go of her skin. His boots are off now while Beth’s still struggling with her second one and he finally picks her up with one arm and pulls the boot the rest of the way off after she nearly knees him trying to get her foot out of the shaft. “Careful, baby, you’re going to spoil the honeymoon” he growls.

“Sorry,” Beth says with a little giggle, “I’m a little nervous.” Then she gasps as he lowers her onto the couch and moves his mouth to her left breast through the white, lacy bra she’s wearing. “Keep doing that,” she moans.

“Helping your nerves?” he murmurs as he breathes hot air onto the breast and grins as she moans again and laces her fingers through his hair, tugging him closer.

“Yes!” she manages, her voice breathy with need, “Off!” she adds, trying to get to the clasp on her bra and gasps in relief when Rick flicks the clasp open with practiced fingers and she helps him tug the straps off her shoulders and he flings the bra away from them and she pulls his face back to her breast, arching her back to get closer to him as he latches back on to the nipple and bites gently before getting as much of her breast into his mouth as he can and biting gently again until she gasps, moaning and writhing against him as she undoes his belt and reaches for the button on his jeans. He turns his attention to her other breast while continuing to work the first with one of his hands as she pushes the button open and unzips the fly on his jeans and pushes on them.

She groans when she realizes he’s not wearing any underwear and her fingers just touch his warm skin and he echoes her groan as she grasps his length, running her fingers carefully over it before running her thumb over the tip where precum is leaking, then moving back down. Rick reaches down between them and undoes her belt and jeans before releasing her breast and pulling back to skim the denim down her legs and off her feet, shucking his own jeans at the same time. Now she’s just in the lacy white panties that Rick takes a second to notice match the bra that’s somewhere else now and he grins before pulling them off while she stares at him.

“What are you doing, sweetheart?” he rasps as she sits up just as he’s gotten one knee onto the couch to lie back down.

“I want to see,” she says, reaching for his penis and scooting closer, running her fingers over it again. “Tell me if I hurt you.”

“You haven’t seen one before?” Rick asks. He’s not that surprised; although everyone had lived on top of each other on the road and in the prison, Hershel had insisted on a certain distance between the men and women and there were rules for the showers at the prison. Still, accidents happened.

“When I was a kid,” she admits. “Maggie, Shawn and I went skinny dipping…I think I was four, but Maggie was ten and Shawn was nine and Mama and Daddy were mad!” She looks up at him, pupils wide, “It wasn’t the same.” Her face is close to him now and she sticks out her tongue suddenly and licks up his length.

Rick shudders and grabs her hair, “Not now, sweetheart; it’s been a long time and I want to be buried in you when I come.” He picks her up by her thighs and maneuvers her back onto the couch, then pushes her legs up and hooks them up around his shoulders.

Beth’s watching him anxiously, “Don’t be scared, baby, I’m going to make you feel so good” he says before lowering his head and breathing in her scent, clean and a mixture of sweet and salty. He looks up and meets her nervous eyes before he moves again and licks a stripe up the length of her pussy and she gasps, bucks against him and calls his name. He grins at her and moves so his arms are holding her hips in place and his hands are spreading her folds before he goes back in and continues working at her until she comes with a gush of warmth over his chin, writhing and calling his name and gripping his hair with both hands.

He’s grinning as he crawls back up her body, which is flushed from her orgasm and desire, and kisses her soundly, Beth opening her mouth to him at once and tongues dancing. She makes a little noise of surprise and he pulls back slightly, “You haven’t tasted yourself before?” She shakes her head and his smile broadens before he dips his head for another kiss, “You didn’t know what you were missing.”

After another moment of kissing and petting, she’s grinding against him again and Rick dips a finger into her pussy for the first time, causing her to gasp and writhe again as he works it in and out a few times, before she gives a little scream as he adds a second finger while continuing to kiss her. “Does that hurt?” he asks, checking with her.

She shakes her head frantically before gasping, “No…it burns a little, but doesn’t hurt.” He slows and uses both fingers to stretch her a little and after a minute, he starts thrusting again, more carefully until she starts thrusting her hips back in time with his fingers as they continue to make out, both gasping and moaning. “Rick, I need…I need….”

“What do you need, sweetheart?” Rick grins against her before nipping at the sweet spot on her neck making her rake her short, blunt fingernails over his shoulders.

“More…”

“You ready for me?” he asks; she seems ready to him…she’s so wet he can hear the noise as he works his fingers in and out, her skin is flushed and her pupils blown out so far that he can barely see the blue of her irises.

“Yes, please....”

“So polite…” he teases as he removes his fingers and lines himself up with her, rubbing the head of his dick of her slick folds before pushing into her carefully, groaning at how tight she is, pausing when he feels her tense before pushing forward again. He doesn’t feel the barrier of skin as he’s expecting it, only a slight resistance before he keeps pushing until he’s fully sheathed within her, then pauses again until he feels her relax a and wiggle against him experimentally. Soon they’re moving against each other and finding a rhythm that grows faster and more frantic and less coordinated until Rick knows he can’t hold out much longer and reaches between their bodies to stroke her clit until he feels her come again and he lets himself release and come with her until they’re both lying breathless and spent on the couch.

Beth giggles a little as she feels fluids running out of her, down her ass and onto the couch. “Carl should be really grateful that I cover this with a blanket in case Judith spits up on it,” she says with a sigh. “We’re making a mess and I want to do that again as soon as we can.”

“I may be able to make it upstairs for the next time,” Rick sighs, snuggling into her contentedly. “How are you feeling?” He hasn’t withdrawn from her yet, but is content to just lay with her.

“I feel good…really good! Maybe a little sore, but not what I was expecting. Are you okay? Was I okay for you?”

“You were perfect,” he says with a kiss, then another as she gives a little moan and clenches her vaginal muscles down on him suddenly and he feels his dick give a twitch of interest and start to grow hard again. “Beth....”

“Hmmm?” she hums in her throat as she moves her mouth along his jaw to his earlobe and sucks it into her mouth suddenly, biting on it gently before laving it with her tongue again before releasing it and moving to his neck as one hand massages his scalp and the back of his neck and the other brushes down his shoulders and back as she locks her legs back around him and moves experimentally, clenching down on him again.

“Sweetheart, you’re going to be sore,” he moans before his body takes over and he thrusts back up into her and then they’re both moving again until they come once more before they fall asleep in a tangle of limbs.

It’s dark when Rick wakes up and they’ve shifted so that Beth’s back’s to him and they’re spooned tightly together. Moonlight’s coming in the cracks around the curtains and Rick doesn’t want to move, but his body’s demanding he find the bathroom as soon as possible. As soon as he moves, Beth wakes up and groans, “I’ve got to get up.” He helps her sit up as he says, “Me too” and is still moving to sit up himself when she suddenly giggles and jumps up to run up the stairs first yelling, “Dibs!” which makes him jump up and pursue her, but the bathroom door’s closed and locked by the time he gets there and they’re both laughing. Beth gets done as quickly as possible and lets Rick in as she comes out. By the time he’s out, she’s dressed in one of his t-shirts and back downstairs in the kitchen pulling down a jar of stew she’d canned a month or so ago when they’d had the meat and vegetables to make a large pot.

“This okay?” she asks, waving it at him. “We can have stew and some toast. Aren’t you hungry?”

“Starving” he says, capturing her for a kiss before letting her go and leaning against the counter to watch her. He’s always liked to watch the way she moves, quickly and efficiently when she works or sweetly wild when she’s singing or dancing. He’s liked watching her since back on the farm, although there was nothing more to it back then than noticing how easily she moved and assessing how she was doing on the farm or when they were on the road. Beth’s feelings have almost always been worn on her skin…her every mood flitted across her face and her body language showed her feelings just as clearly. The one time he hadn’t been able to tell how she was doing at a glance was back at Grady Memorial when she’d been trying to hide it from everyone.

She feels him staring at looks at him over her shoulder with a small, slightly nervous smile, “What?”

“Just thinking I like watching you and remembering how I’d watch you at the prison,” he says warmly, with a smile.

“I watched you, too” she admits, “I watched everyone, but you were Judy and Carl’s father and our leader and I always wanted to know how you were.” She blushes a little, “I could always tell if you were okay or struggling and I’d do what I could do help more with the kids if you seemed to need it or I’d ask Daddy or Glenn or Daryl to go talk to you.”

He glances up in surprise, “I didn’t know you and Daryl talked much then.”

“We didn’t have any deep conversations about our childhoods or feelings or anything back then,” she says with a shrug, “but we both asked each other for things and talked about what was going on in the prison. Daryl was the main one who hunted, so he needed to know if we needed something and he coordinated a lot of the runs. Besides, he came to see Judy every day when I had her if he was at the prison and we talked about Carl a lot. He lost his own mom when he was about Carl’s age and always told me when he thought Carl needed a little more attention.”

“I thought that was just natural for you,” Rick said.

Beth shrugged again, “A lot of it was, but I was taking care of Judy, helping cook for everyone, plus helping with laundry, cleaning, mending and helping with the other children. You made sure the main gardens were cared for, but I helped with all those pots we used for the herbs and other stuff, too, besides working the cold crew several times a week and helping with guard duty when we were short.”

“I didn’t know you did guard duty,” Rick says, “and I told Daryl not to put you on cold crew so much.”

Beth just smiles and stirs the stew while cutting a couple slices from the loaf before wrapping it back up carefully and putting it back in the cold room along with the partial jar of unused stew. “The guard duty would be overnight when you had Judy and we never had enough people for cold crew, especially the last couple months. Daryl kept me off as much as he could, but Daddy was always willing to help with Judy for a couple hours so I could help on the fences.” She studies the thoughtful look on his face and adds gently, “You weren’t on the Council, Rick, and Daryl didn’t bother you with stuff that was being taken care of. He kept me off of runs because Daddy asked him to and he knew I was the main one who cared for Judy and he used to say Judy didn’t need to lose another mama.”

Rick keeps himself from wincing, but he kind of wants to, “Your daddy talked to Daryl about you, huh?”

“A little, I guess…you know Daddy talked to everyone” she giggled, “so did Daryl, although he hated it. Mostly that was people talking to him and not the other way around.” She cut her eyes to him and sighs, “You were busy, Rick and hurting and worried about your son and we were fine.”

He mentally pushes away the thoughts of the past that crowd in on him, all the things he could so easily have done differently that could have changed fate for all of them as he looks back at her. Whatever has happened in the past can’t be changed and now he has a woman he loves and his kids are happy and healthy and he’s doing fine, so he changes the subject, “What did your dad say about me?”

She gets tears in her eyes at the memory as she stirs the now-hot stew and moves to dish it up and place a slice of bread on the edge of each bowl. “He told me about you seeing Lori after she died, you know. He didn’t tell everyone, just Daryl and me because I was taking care of Judy and watch out for Carl and Daryl was pretty much leading the group at that point and Daddy thought he should know.” She carries the food to the table as he pulls two spoons from a drawer along with two cloth napkins and joins her. “Daddy told me you were a good man, one who wanted to do the right thing. He could tell you came from good people…your manners always gave you away…and that you were a good leader and would be a fine husband. He worried a little because you’d keep yourself so tightly under control that when you’d lose control you could really lose it, but he said that if you had a good woman and good friends you could rely on they could help you with that by letting you relax more and taking some of the load off you.”

“Control is a good thing,” Rick argues, “you wouldn’t like it if I just let my temper out all the time.”

“Of course not,” Beth agrees, “That wasn’t the point; he said you had a lot of stress and if you had people who loved you and on whom you could rely that you wouldn’t be as stressed all the time and if you did hard work where you could wear out your body and mind every day that it would help too. I know he told you the gardening was good for Carl, and it was, but it was just as much for you.”

“I think I knew that,” he admits.

They continue to talk about their pasts and their families and what they hope for their future as they eat and get ready for bed. They’re still talking when they’re in bed, but it’s lazy and slow and they drift into fantasies about the future until Rick notices Beth’s silence beside him. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I miss Judy being here,” she whispers against his shoulder. “I keep listening for her little snores and I don’t hear them.” She sniffles a little and he can feel the wetness from a couple tears that roll down from her eyes and onto his skin.

He settles her against him and pulls her close with one of his arms, using the other to stroke her arm that’s resting across his stomach, “You’re going to hear my snores in a minute,” he teases lightly and hugs her even tighter for a second as she giggles. “We’re going to sleep well and wake up late and in the morning I’m going to see if you have another sweet spot like the one here,” as he brushes a fingertip over the spot on her neck, which makes her gasp and press against him with a small, breathy sound. He looks down at her, “You hadn’t done any of that before?”

Beth shakes her head against him, “All I did with Jimmy or Zach was kiss and I’d just tried some stuff by myself after Maggie talked to me about it after Jimmy and I started dating. Why?”

“You didn’t really have much of a hymen,” Rick says…there had been some blood on the blanket on the couch and some on her thighs but not what he’d expected. “Lori was a virgin our first time and there was a lot more blood.”

Beth stiffens and moves away from him, “Women are different, Rick, and I’ve been riding ponies and horses since I was a toddler. Mama and Maggie both told me that could tear the hymen. Maggie said she didn’t have one any more when she had sex the first time.”

Rick pulls her back gently, but she’s still stiff against him and he sighs, “I’m saying the wrong things already. I didn’t mean anything by it, honey, I just wanted to know what you’ve done and what you haven’t. Some of the women at the prison had dildos and I didn’t know if you had one or anything.”

“My cell was between Daddy’s and Daryl’s” she said with a sigh. “Daryl has supernatural hearing and Daddy was so overprotective he’d come in and check on me if he woke up at night. Maggie and Glenn’s cell was on the other side of Daddy’s and Maggie would drop in on me at weird times of night to talk. During the day I always had Judy and sometimes Carl or Patrick or Luke or someone with me and people were always looking for me. When I went to bed at night, sometimes I’d write in my journal…songs or something that had happened that day, but after that, I’d just sleep.” She turns her head to look at him, “Jimmy and I had only been dating three months when he died…Zach and I went out for a couple weeks and he died…Daryl and I were together for about two months when I got kidnapped and when we got back together we were out on the road with everyone and we’re not Glenn and Maggie.”

“I know, sweetheart, and we’re not going to be Glenn and Maggie when we’re around everyone else either, I just wanted to know.” She’s quiet against him for a minute, but he can almost hear the wheels spinning in her head. “What are you thinking?”

“What you did earlier, when you were licking me…why’d you do that? You didn’t want me to lick you.”

He chuckled softly, “If I’d gone off then, I wasn’t sure I’d be ready to go again right away…I’m not in my twenties anymore…but with it being your first time, it helped you relax and get you ready for me and it wouldn’t stop you from having another one. In fact, it made it a lot more likely that you would.”

“Do you like doing that? Maggie said a lot of men won’t do it,” Beth said, leaving out the part where Maggie had added that Beth should never try to be with someone who wouldn’t do that for her because it was a terrible sign of how giving they’d be in the rest of the relationship, in her opinion.

“I love doing it for you,” he assured her. “Did you know you taste great?” he adds, watching the blush stain her cheeks and neck again. “You do…you taste clean and fresh and really good,” he adds, talking low and he can feel her starting to clench her thighs together as he rubs his hands over her a little more freely. After they’d showered getting ready for bed, she’d left off the t-shirt and they’re both naked under the covers.

“I want to do it to you,” she admits, running her hand over his cock, which is stiffening once more and he groans. “Maggie and Carol talked to me about it once and said men love it and I want to try it.” She lifts the sheet a little and tilts her head to watch as she slides her thumb back over the slit at the top before moving her hand down to cup his balls gently, rubbing and rolling them experimentally, then carefully rubbing against the piece of skin right behind his balls, which makes him moan and his dick twitch again and leak more. “Ah…you do like that!” she says with a grin, sliding down under the sheet. “I think I want to try more now” she adds right before she opens her mouth around his cock and closes her lips around the head, sucking and swirling her tongue around the top as though she’s eating an ice cream cone and he moans again as a shudder goes through his body. He scrabbles to toss off the sheet because he wants to see her kneeling next to him as she moves her mouth down him until he hits the back of her throat and she gags a little and pulls back slightly.

“Use your hand at the base,” he growls, so she does, but is still holding him lightly, so he puts his hand over hers and shows her how tight to close and when she understand how tight she can go, she pushes more firmly on his shaft with her tongue and sucks harder, making him lose his breath and buck up against her as hums in response and he feels it all the way up through his core. She’s using her other hand to play with his balls and rub the skin behind his balls and he’s about to lose his mind. All he wants to do is slam his dick into her hot little mouth until he makes her gag on it as he comes and he needs some kind of distraction not to do that, so he pulls on the leg that’s closer to him until her body slides around and her butt’s closer to his face. He tugs her leg up and moves them until his head’s between her legs and he runs his tongue from her clit past her slit and makes her shudder and moan against him and pull back further to suck the head of his dick again, swirling her tongue over the slit before she takes him in further than before. They continue working at each other until Beth’s wetness is running down his face and he’s leaking into her mouth like crazy just before they both come harder than their previous times and Rick feels his cock twitch again as Beth swallows everything he has to offer her.

“Down, boy” he says aloud, in an involuntary gasp as Beth giggles and moves off him and turns until her face is back to his and they smile at each other tiredly before they kiss. Rick’s surprised at the earthy, slightly citrus taste of himself in Beth’s mouth and they both moan at their mingled tastes before Beth pulls back and runs her tongue experimentally around his lips.

“We’re good together,” she comments and he chuckles as he tries to settle her against him again only for her to move away to pull up the sheet and spread it over them again before she allows him to pull her in snugly.

They spend the next few days doing much the same as they’d done on their wedding night, experimenting and exploring each other and finding what brings the other the most pleasure, but they also move Beth’s belongings into Rick’s room and turn her bedroom back into a guest room, though it will eventually become Judith’s room. Maggie and Glenn drop off a basket with fresh bread, cheese, a couple apples and a bottle of wine two days after the wedding and they walk to have a picnic in their favorite park that afternoon. The morning of the fifth day, Tyreese comes by and asks if he can keep the kids the rest of that day, which is a Friday, and through the weekend and he’ll bring them back Sunday evening and Rick and Beth accept, though Rick’s already had to stop his new wife a couple times from simply going to Ty’s to get their kids because she misses them so badly. Still, they take the opportunity to go to the market and get what they need for the rest of the weekend, a couple presents for the kids and Beth finds a giant chocolate bar, which they take to Maggie and Glenn as a ‘thank you’ for everything they’ve done for the new couple.

~*~

Nearly three months go by and Rick, Beth and the kids are happier and more content than before; being married was far better than living together. Rick’s a little worried about Beth getting pregnant after what happened to Lori, but condoms are still in short supply and many of the ones that have been found when patrols go out are expired. Rick tries the withdrawal method, but forgets or doesn’t make it a number of times. Still, he’d found out way back when the group had been on the road after they’d been forced off the Greene farm that Beth’s periods were irregular and she could go months without one. He’s hoping it will help them not get pregnant, so it’s a shock when he looks at her one night as they’re getting ready for bed and sees that her nipples are now a dark pink instead of their normal light pink and look larger and he loses his breath for a moment in fear.

“Are you…?”

“What?” Beth looks up at him, eyes large and doe-like as she’s pulling back the covers. They widen even more at the expression on his face and she looks suddenly fearful, “Rick? What’s wrong?”

“Are you pregnant?” he manages, but pauses at the look on her face…it’s obviously not something she’s thought about before.

She runs her hands down her stomach and presses them protectively over her belly, “Do you think I am?” Her voice is somewhere between hopeful and scared and she’s watching him cautiously.

He looks at her thoughtfully…besides the difference in her nipples, he can see her breasts look slightly fuller and her skin’s almost glowing, but she’s still slim and her belly’s flat. She’d been more emotional than before, but he’d put it down to the new marriage; still, with the other changes, he thought he was right.

“I think you are, sweetheart. You didn’t know?”

Beth shakes her head slowly, “My breasts have been a little more sensitive and I’ve been more tired and hungry than usual, but I thought it could be my period coming. I’ve wanted to eat twice as much as usual and that’s always been one of my signs I’m about to have one.”

“You haven’t been, though…you still eat like you always have.”

“Because food’s still in short supply and we can’t afford to waste any. Besides, Carl is growing and he’s always hungry.” She’s watching Rick getting re-dressed as she talks, “Honey, where are you going?”

“Glenn mentioned that he and Maggie have an extra pregnancy test at their house…they never used the second one in the pack. I’m going to go get it.”

“Okay, Rick, but Maggie’s getting ready to have her baby any day now and she’s not sleeping well. You wake her up and one of them will kill you and if you tell Glenn what you want, everyone will know before we wake up in the morning. I’m going over there tomorrow with Judy to hang out with Maggie since she can’t work anymore; just let me get it from her then.” She can see him hesitating and adds, “Please, baby?” and looks up at him pleadingly, batting her eyes a couple times and she can see when he relents, even before he starts to take off his shirt again.

“Promise you’ll get one from her or someone else tomorrow and take that test. If you’re pregnant, you’ll have to start eating more and we’ll have to find you some vitamins.” The more he thinks about her being pregnant, the more overwhelmed he feels and he barely notices Beth’s moving until she’s around the bed and putting her arms around him.

“It’ll be okay, Rick.”

“You don’t know that, Beth.”

They talk about it longer, until Beth manages to distract him with sex, but while she falls asleep right after he lies awake, worrying. The problem is that he can imagine pretty well what his life would be like without her and it scares the hell out of him. He worries until she turns over with her back to him and he moves automatically to spoon her and hears the contented sigh she gives in her sleep when he holds her tight and it’s like a switch goes off in his brain and he just falls asleep holding her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good grief...okay, so this isn't the last chapter and I'm officially giving up on guessing if the next one will be the last.
> 
> Once more, I own nothing about TWD or any products, songs, poems, books or whatever may be mentioned in this work.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

When he’s partway through his shift the next day, he gets a message that Maggie’s gone into labor and Beth and Judy are with her at the hospital; the message adds not to rush, that they will probably be there all day, but to please come and bring Carl after work. He does exactly what the message says since Lori’s first time in labor lasted about eighteen hours, so he’s shocked when only about an hour after they make it to the hospital Maggie’s delivered a healthy boy, whom they promptly name Hershel. Beth’s enchanted by the baby’s shock of long black hair and slanted, blue-grey eyes and Rick can see how reluctant she is to hand the baby over, but he still insists on holding his new nephew and is glad when Judy holds up her hands and anxiously says “Mama!” and Beth immediately bends to scoop up the little girl and snuggle her close, murmuring endearments to their daughter. They introduce Judy to little Hershel, but she doesn’t seem very interested in meeting her cousin, who had taken some of her parents’ attention and Rick shifts Hershel to Carl’s arms when Judy insists on coming to her daddy next.

“Oh, poor thing, she’s jealous,” Maggie says softly looking at her niece, who’s now trying to go to Carl, who hands little Hershel back to Beth before taking his sister and walking out of the room with her in his arms, calling to Maggie and Glenn that his new cousin is really cute.

Glenn’s decided to sleep in Maggie’s room on a cot and Maggie’s worn out, so Rick and Beth stay only a few more minutes offering quiet congratulations and compliments before finding Carl and Judith and heading back home in the cool dark of the evening. Judith’s too tired to be interested in walking, so Rick snuggles his daughter close after he’s shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to Beth, who’d only worn a thin sweater over her tank top and jeans. Beth asks Carl about his day and he tells them about the new assignment his teacher has given his group and Beth suggests that he bring his group to the house to study the next day…she’s had them over a few times, but Carl has made excuses the last few times.

“We’re going to go study at Jake’s house,” Carl replies. “His folks already invited us.”

Rick chimes in, “You’ve already got a lot to do tomorrow, Beth. We’re having Maggie and Glenn over to supper, aren’t we?”

“If you don’t mind and I want to run to the market and fix some things for them. I have some soup and stew I canned I can give them, but I’d like to make some fresh things, too, and see if I can find Maggie some fruit. We can take supper over to them instead of trying to make Maggie leave her house.”

They chat about other things and Carl says that his classmates who are working in and helping with the greenhouses are saying that they should have fresh strawberries the next day and he’d try to bring some back for Maggie, which earns him a hug from his stepmother.

They’ve made it through the surprisingly mild winter now and the beginnings of spring are obvious in the few robins that have come back and the shoots that are sticking out of the thawing ground. Rick finds himself thinking about Beth’s father, Hershel, and the work he’d done in the gardens at the prison with his friend and he’s hit with a wave of longing so intense it makes him gasp.

Beth’s instantly concerned and looks around for danger before grasping his arm gently, “What is it, honey?”

Rick shakes his head, tears in his eyes, “Just missing your dad for some reason. It was about this same time of year when he got me working out in the gardens at the prison.”

Tears instantly form in Beth’s eyes and her chin wobbles a little, but eventually she manages, “He would have loved little Hershel and being here with us. He wanted this for us all so much…a safe place, a real life.” She chokes again and tears spill down her cheeks as Rick moves one of his arms from supporting Judy to holding his wife and she tries to smile up at him, but it only lasts a second before she absolutely dissolves in sobs and Carl moves in to take Judith so that his dad can wrap his arms tightly around Beth.

Rick can see Carl’s concerned about Beth, but he doesn’t want to say anything until they know, so he just shakes his head at this son and tries to get Beth to move forward, but she can’t seem to walk just then, so they just stand there until he can get her moving. They are getting close to home and in the colder weather Rick would have probably sent them on, but with the warmer weather, the walkers are worse outside the walls and he doesn’t want to take any risks with his family. They’re almost at the house when they see a couple forms coming off the porch and Beth and Carl both give little cries and hurry toward the figures while Rick comes quickly behind them, eager to greet their friends. Carl hugs Michonne with his free arm while Beth flings herself at Daryl, breaking into sobs again as she buries her face in his neck.

Rick pushes down a surge of intense jealousy as Daryl looks at him, confused at Beth’s reaction, but holding her like the most precious thing in the world. When his friend shakes his head, Daryl looks for another second before putting his face down next to Beth’s head and starting to mumble quietly to her. Rick gets Carl away from Michonne enough to hug her tightly and welcome her home. The three of them talk while Daryl continues to talk to Beth in a low voice until Rick says they should all go inside. Carl heads upstairs with Judith and Beth breaks away from Daryl enough for Rick to hug him and shake his hand while Beth hugs Michonne in turn before she starts to heat some water for tea and making sandwiches for all of them with chicken she’d baked earlier that day and heating up a couple jars of vegetable soup. Carl and Rick catch their friends up on little Hershel and the others while Beth finishes fixing supper. Right around the time Beth’s bringing the food to the table, Michonne points out the rings on Beth’s left hand and the new one on Rick’s and asks if they actually took the plunge and both Daryl and Michonne offer their congratulations, though Daryl looks subdued. When Rick says they’ve been married about three months, Michonne’s eyes sharpen as she looks more closely at Beth, then glances at Rick, who looks down and focuses on his food until he feels her thoughtful gaze move on.

Michonne and Daryl take their turn and tell about their adventures on the road and Beth makes another pot of herbal tea and brings out the spice cake she’d made the day before. Rick notices Beth’s eyes drooping while the others talk and suddenly her head’s down on her arm on the table as Michonne’s describing them being on the run with the rest of their team from a massive herd of walkers. The dreaded woman stops and looks at the little blonde, amused, “I thought it was a rather gripping tale myself” she says dryly.

Rick rubs Beth’s back softly, but she doesn’t even stir, “She’s been tired recently and it’s been a long day.”

Daryl shifts in his chair, “We can come back another time if y’all are tired.”

“Oh, come on, finish the story,” Carl begs, “You can stop after that if you want to, but I have to know how you all got away.”

Michonne finishes the tale while Daryl sits quietly, sipping his tea and listening to the conversation around him. When the story ends, the hunter catches Rick’s eye and signals toward the front porch and they excuse themselves and head out while Michonne and Carl keep talking.

After they’d recovered Beth, Rick had watched his friend revert to seeming rather young and insecure to those who knew him well, but sometime between Beth throwing herself at him and supper, he’s gone back to the Daryl who escaped from Terminus with him, the one who backed him on the road after and helped him get Beth back safely. Daryl’s posture’s straight, his shoulders are back and he meets Rick’s eyes as an equal, but without aggression. Rick knows Beth had helped bring out this Daryl in the first place and isn’t surprised it’s her that brings him back again, just surprised that it’s now.

“Is she sick?” Daryl asks as soon the door’s closed.

“I don’t think so” Rick responds.

“She’s not herself and she hasn’t fallen asleep at supper since she was caring for everyone at the prison and practically starving herself. Come on, man, I’ll do whatever it takes to help.” The younger man’s not pleading, he’s offering for someone they both care about and his gaze on Rick’s is open and concerned.

Rick shakes his head and gives in with a sigh, knowing he’s not going back inside without an explanation or a fight and he doesn’t want to fight. “If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone else yet.” Daryl nods and visibly braces himself before rick continues, “She hasn’t taken the test yet, but I think she’s pregnant.”

The former deputy thought he was ready for almost any reaction, but he’s not really ready for the devastation in Daryl’s face before the hunter quickly tries to hide his feelings. Daryl gives two quick nods before sticking his hand out to Rick and then turning and heading into the darkness. Rick rubs a frustrated hand over his face and head and grips the back of his neck briefly before turning to go back inside. Daryl’s reaction wasn’t wholly unexpected, but he’d already accepted that Rick and Beth were married and had to know this was a possibility. Sure, Rick hadn’t been planning on it either and the idea was terrifying to him, but he honestly hadn’t expected Daryl’s reaction to be as strong as it had been and he had no idea what to do about it other than give the hunter some time to process it.

He goes back in to the house and finds Michonne and Carl still chatting while Beth remains sound asleep in the same position he’d left her in. Rick interrupts the conversation long enough to let them know Daryl had decided to go home and he was going to take Beth upstairs. He adds that they’ll be in touch about having a dinner party so that everyone can meet little Hershel before carefully pulling Beth’s chair around a bit so that he can pick her up. His wife’s so out of it, she just turns her face into his shirt and wraps an arm around his neck, but he can’t even understand what she murmurs against him before she lapses back into a deeper slumber.

Other than getting her shoes off, Rick doesn’t try to undress her and just tucks Beth into bed before going to get ready for bed himself. Right before he goes into the bathroom, he remembers Beth’s purse hanging over the back of her chair downstairs and he wants her to take the test before he leaves for work the next morning, if she has it, so he runs downstairs to get her bag. Michonne looks at him when he appears back in the kitchen, but he just shrugs and heads back upstairs. He checks the bag and pulls out the box that still contains the one pregnancy test Maggie hadn’t used and sets it on Beth’s nightstand. The whole time, he can’t get Daryl’s reaction out of his head or the way Beth had clung to their friend, sobbing, when she’d seen him come off the porch and he’s struggling with jealousy. Beth had been extremely emotional about almost everything and Daryl and Michonne had been gone with their entire group significantly longer than originally planned, so he could understand his wife’s reaction, but combined with Daryl’s reaction and Rick’s own memories of Shane, the jealousy’s getting the better of him. Once he’s finally ready for bed, he gets in and snuggles behind Beth and hears her contented sigh as she settles against him; but while that normally relaxes him, that night he’s eaten up with thoughts of Daryl and Beth and the tension won’t leave him.

After a few hours, Beth stirs against him and she turns her face, eyes still closed and voice ragged and sleepy, “Rick? Baby, are you awake? Are you okay?”

“Everything’s fine, sweetheart; go back to sleep.”

She gives a little hum. “You too” she says before turning back and snuggling against him, giving that little sigh when he noses her hair aside to kiss the back of her neck near her shoulder. “I love you so much, baby” she whispers so low he can barely hear her before he can feel her relax into a sound sleep again.

“I love you too,” he whispers against her warm skin before finally falling asleep himself.

For once Rick wakes up before Beth when he hears Judy’s early-morning cooing and babbling from her crib and gets up to take care of their daughter. Beth shifts and gives a little mewl of disappointment when he leaves the bed, which she does once in a while and he almost goes back, but makes himself keep going. When he takes a changed and dressed Judith downstairs and discovers Michonne waking up on the couch, he gladly hands his daughter over when she gestures for the little girl. They walk into the kitchen and Rick shows Michonne where everything is and helps her start the pot of oatmeal that his daughter likes for breakfast.

“I need to go back upstairs to Beth for a bit, if you’re okay,” he murmurs and heads back upstairs when his friend nods.

Back in their bedroom, he discovers that Beth’s partially awake now and goes over to see if he can get her up the rest of the way. Suddenly, he feels like he’s waited long enough and needs her to get up and take the test so that they’ll _know_. He’s gentle, but insistent, so she gets up and takes the test into the bathroom, Rick following her in before she can close the door. Beth grimaces a little because she can’t get used to that type of intimacy, but she really does have to pee by then and Rick’s obviously not going anywhere this time. She’d nervously read the instructions on the box the day before while waiting with Maggie at the hospital and uses the test according to the directions. It takes almost the full time recommended, but in the end there are two blue lines showing clearly against the white background and Beth flings her arms around Rick’s neck with a little squeal.

“I can’t believe it! I wasn’t letting myself hope…” she pulls back and looks at Rick and sees that he’s really struggling with this development, although he’s trying to look happy for her. “Hey,” she adds more quietly, “I’m going to be okay. Think about Maggie…she just had little Hershel and they are both just fine. We’ve got good food here, we’re not on the run and we’ve got a couple good doctors and even a couple midwives; we’re going to be okay.”

Rick can’t bring himself to agree just yet, so he just nods, smiles and kisses the happy little blonde. He knows the C-section Lori had had when Carl was born had been a factor in her not being able to have Judith naturally, although they had hoped. Some women are able to give birth naturally after a C-section and they’d always hoped she’d be able to with their second child, but some women had to have a C-section with every birth. Without any way to monitor the baby’s health while in the womb and Lori’s feeling that something was wrong, Maggie had done the only thing possible in their situation and it was only good luck that she hadn’t cut Judith when cutting into Lori’s womb to get the baby out.. If Hershel had been up and functioning, if they’d been where they could have transfused blood...so many “if’s”…. Rick had gone over them again and again since Lori’s death and hasn’t ever been able to get rid of the feelings of guilt, resentment and anger that overcome him at those times. He can’t go through it again with Beth and he’s furious at himself for not using protection, mentally cursing himself for counting on Beth not being able to get pregnant instead of taking more precautions. Sure, condoms are scarce and kind of expensive, but that cost would pale in comparison to Beth’s life and, possibly, the baby’s.

After another kiss, he pulls back from her and says, “Michonne’s still downstairs and she’s watching Judith. I’ve got to go out for a while…I’ll see you later.” He ignores the hurt that flares up in her eyes because he has to get out of there…he can’t make himself stand still another minute just then, even to make her happy.

Beth just nods, not trusting herself to speak and lets Rick go. Of course, she wants him to be excited and stay and the two of them revel in this moment and for them to tell Carl and their friends together, but she’d always thought of others before herself and part of her knows that Rick needs some time to work through his feelings. Everyone who’d been at the prison for Judith’s birth still remembers that dark time and Beth had been so involved with Judith and Carl while Rick was struggling that her memories of that time stand out in sharp relief to some others.

The young woman takes the time to shower (and cry for a little while) before getting dressed and going downstairs. Carl’s up by that point and she can hear him talking with Michonne downstairs, so she takes a deep breath and heads down. She’s all the way in the kitchen when the smell of breakfast cooking hits her full-on. Michonne’s frying some bacon and making French toast and Beth hasn’t smelled frying bacon in months…she’d gotten it the morning before when she’d spotted it in the market, but the smoky pork smell makes her turn green and she races for the back door and stumbles down the steps before heaving up stomach acid. The dry heaves that come after won’t be controlled and tears are pouring out of her eyes when she feels a gentle hand on her back and Michonne’s voice says “Try to sit up, Beth, and see if you can drink this.”

As Beth sits up, the older woman presses a cup into her hand with tepid water in it and Beth waits for the second between heaves and takes a sip, which stays after threatening to come back up. She waits another beat and takes another sip, which still says down. There’s still a faint smell of bacon coming off the other woman’s clothing and out the now-open window and it almost sets Beth’s stomach off again, but she takes another quick sip and it seems better for a moment. “Can you stay for a little while?” she asks quietly. “I think I need to go take a walk and Carl was thinking of going to a friend’s house to study for a while.”

Michonne nods and replies, “Let me get you a bottle of water; it’ll help you after a while.”

“Would you mind grabbing my tote bag for me while you’re in there, please?” Beth asks.

Michonne nods before matching her actions to her words and quickly goes to get the water and tote bag, bringing them back and putting them next to the young blonde.

“Thanks, ‘Chonne” Beth says quietly before standing up and heading toward the front of the house and the street that will eventually put her on the path to her favorite park. She knows their friend won’t say anything to anyone, except maybe Carl who had witnessed her dash out the back door and may already be asking questions. _He’s going to be worried_ , she thinks, _we’ll definitely have to talk to him tonight._

Beth feels better the longer she walks; it’s a beautiful morning and if it’s still a little cool, well, it just seems to be helping her nausea and headache. Her footsteps aren’t as fast as normal, but her main goal is to stay away from the house until that awful smell is gone and the park is her favorite place outside of the house and she has to think. Under other circumstances, she’d have set out for the hospital to see Maggie and the baby again, but she has to think right now and her sister wouldn’t give her any time if they were together. Besides, if she’s going to go by the market and prepare extra food, she won’t have the time to spend hours at the hospital, she just can’t quite face the noise and press yet…she needs to think about Rick and what this means for them. She doesn’t want to consider the possibility that he wouldn’t be able to work past the memories that plague him or his guilt, at least not until after the baby’s born safely.

Her attention is turned so far inward she doesn’t realize at first that Daryl’s walking beside her, but she suddenly realizes that he’s right beside her, matching his strides to hers. Without thinking, she reaches out and takes the hand she can feel bumping into hers occasionally, winding her fingers through his as she’d started doing so long ago and they keep walking for a while without talking. Daryl guides her slowly toward the edge of the park, where there’s almost a little off-shoot from the main clearing in the park and a couple benches that are currently unoccupied. They reach the further bench and check carefully around them before sitting, still holding hands.

“I screwed up, Beth” is Daryl’s opening line and she just looks at him waiting for a further explanation because she can feel it coming. “I got scared back when we were together and I couldn’t stop from messing up because there was just this voice in my head that said I was going to mess it up anyway…I couldn’t stop myself.” He pauses and gets his voice under control, “I miss you so bad.”

She’s not surprised to see a tear slipping down his cheeks now and she lays her head on his shoulder. “I miss you too, Daryl,” she says softly. “I know you never meant to hurt me and I hope you know just because you did, it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. You know I love Rick to the bottom of my heart and I’ll never be unfaithful to him, but I hope you know I still love you and I miss you too when you’re not here. You know all that, right?”

Daryl nods, “I love you too, Beth...can’t even remember a time anymore when I didn’t. You’re the best thing in my life.” Beth feels the tears she’s been holding back spill over and she lifts her head off his shoulder to look at him.

“I think I know all that, Daryl, but what brought this on?”

“Rick told me.”

“Told you…” Beth’s voice trails off as she sees Daryl gesture toward her belly. “He told you I’m pregnant? We just found out for sure this morning.”

“He told me he thought you were last night. I was worried about you when you feel asleep on us at the dinner table; haven’t seen you like that since back in the prison and you were just about starving yourself and wearing yourself down with all that work.”

“Did you know about the marriage ahead of time? You didn’t seem surprised.”

“Yeah, Rick told me he was going to ask you before I left last time and he wanted to get married fast.” There’s a long pause, “I had to leave after he told me about the baby…figure he’s mad about that, but I’ll talk to him….”

“He’s upset about the baby,” Beth says softly. “I think he’s upset with me too.”

“Why’s he mad at you? Not your fault he knocked you up.”

Beth sighs, “He talked a couple times about my…periods. You know, they weren’t really regular, right?” Daryl’s head-jerk tells her he knows, while the flush on his cheeks tells her the subject’s still a little uncomfortable for him, but he’d organized most of the supply runs at the prison and knew who needed what; plus, they’d been together weeks after the prison fell and she’d never had a period in those weeks. “I think part of him thought it meant there wasn’t a lot of chance I’d get pregnant and now he’s worried he’s going to lose me and I think that’s why he’s angry.”

Daryl sighs and makes a motion with his head that tells her he wants her to put her head back on his shoulder and she complies at once and he rests his cheek briefly on her hair. “I’m worried too,” he admits.

“Is that why you had to walk away from Rick last night?”

“Part of it,” he admits before adding, “I wanted it to be me.” He hears Beth’s shocked indrawn breath and continues before she can speak, “I know I said I didn’t think I’d be a good dad, didn’t think I wanted kids, but when Rick told me….” Daryl’s voice breaks completely and he fights to regain control while Beth rests a comforting hand on his arm.

“Daryl, I told you that you’d be a wonderful dad and I always thought you’d want your own family, no matter what you said. Kids love you so much and you’ve always been great with Judith and Carl and all the kids at the prison adored you.” She gives him a handkerchief from her bag so he can wipe his face and blow his nose, which he does after a while and he seems to calm down. “You know Rick and I want you to be there for all our kids, right? Judy and Carl already love you so much and I know with all my heart that this little one will too.” She swallows nervously, “Daryl, will you do something for me?”

“Do anything for you, Beth, you know that.”

“I know there’s no place anymore that’s perfect, but we’ve got a good shot here, we’ve got a hospital, and a couple doctors and some midwives and believe I’m going to be fine….”

“Beth….”

“No, Daryl!” she clings to his hand when he makes a motion like he’s going to get up and walk away, “I need to know you’ll be here for my kids and Rick if anything happens to me, just like I’m going to ask them to make sure that you’re okay.” She looks at him pleadingly and can see how upset he is at the idea, but at least he’s still there and she can see he’s listening. “I think I’m going to be okay, I really do. Maggie just had a baby safely and Mama always said the women in our family had an easy time with babies.”

“You talked with your mama about all this?”

Beth laughs a little, remembering, “When I started my period Maggie scared me to death telling me about how I could get pregnant if I was alone with a boy and how horrible it would be to have a baby and she showed me _pictures_ , but she didn’t tell me what a boy and girl would have to do for me to get pregnant. Mama wondered why I didn’t want to be left alone with Shawn anymore, so I told her all about it and during our talk one thing she told me is that I wasn’t to worry about giving birth because the women in our family have never had problems in child birth; but, come on, please answer me.”

“I’ll always be here for you, Rick and the kids, Beth.” Daryl looks down at the little blonde, “You want me to go talk to Rick for you?”

“Not yet, but thank you. I’m hoping he just needs some time to think and then he’ll be happy.”

Daryl nods and they keep talking, getting up and walking to the market so that Beth can get all the things she needs for the day. By the time they are done and head back toward the house they feel more caught up and relaxed again. Beth feels calmer and better by then…she and Daryl have talked through a number of things and he seems not only just okay, but genuinely happy and that makes Beth happy.

She can’t wait until Rick has worked through his feelings and gets excited about the baby and happy with her again. Normally they talk a lot and their home has so much love and laughter that when he’s upset it turns her world upside down. They get back and Daryl comes in with her, carrying a couple of the heavier market bags for her while she manages a couple smaller ones and the tote she carried her shopping things in along with the now-empty water bottle she and Daryl had shared. Stepping back inside they discover that the house has been aired out and Michonne’s left because Rick’s returned and the former deputy looks calm, but both Beth and Daryl know him well enough to know that he’s genuinely upset.

“What’s wrong, honey?” Beth asks, truly distressed to see him so upset.

Rick hesitates only briefly before telling them; after all, Daryl’s going to hear about it soon enough, “They want me to lead a group on a run to a rumored safe zone to the north of here and determine if they are really there and if they are an ally or a threat.” He rubs a hand over his head and holds the back of his neck in a characteristic gesture of frustration as he watches her face freeze in shock, then fall in distress.

“You told them yes” Beth states flatly, not even making it a question...she can already see the answer written all over his face and it feels like a knife made of ice has been thrust into her heart.

Daryl looks shocked and Rick jumps in before he can say anything, “I did and, Daryl, I want to ask if you’ll come with the team. I want to have you as my second-in-command.”

Beth feels like she’s been stabbed a second time and she’s trying to appear calm, but her whole body’s started to shake and she’s feeling cold all over. She worries enough about Rick when he’s at work for the day because police work can always be dangerous; she can’t imagine him being gone for weeks or months…now Daryl too? While’s she’s pregnant for the first time? It's too much and she actually feels faint for a second as the room whirls around her briefly.

“Thought you didn’t have to go out on runs being on the police force,” Daryl replies.

“They want me because I have some experience negotiating and asked me when I saw Hendrix downtown this morning” he responded (Hendrix being the man in charge of coordinating those types of expeditions).

“When are you leaving?” Beth asks faintly and both men finally look directly at her and realize how badly she’s shaking, she’s very pale and there are tears in her eyes, though she’s trying to appear calm. Daryl immediately pulls the bags she’s carrying from her arms and Rick guides her to a chair. He’d already been upset about the baby and vaguely angry at Beth when one of his fellow officers told him he’d seen Beth hanging out with Daryl in the park, holding hands and her head on his shoulder. It was nothing that he hadn’t seen them do on an almost daily basis while on the road, but it had set his blood boiling that morning and when Hendrix had proposed the trip to him not thirty minutes later, he’d immediately agreed. He’s regretting it now looking at her and seeing how upset she is.

“Three days if things go as planned,” he says softly in response, knowing Daryl will hear him even with his voice down and trying to be gentle with his young wife. “We’re taking vehicles and extra gas and Hendrix said it should be only a week or so to get there, a week or two to check them out and another week back. We should be back in about a month if all goes well.”

“When’s the last time things just went well?” Beth asks and Rick just shakes his head. Every expedition has taken anywhere from days to months longer than originally thought, depending how many things went wrong. Beth’s barely holding in her panic, “What happens if you don’t come back? We just got married, I’m pregnant with my first child, I haven’t been able to get Judy out of her diapers yet and Carl is finally doing really well.   Rick, please don’t do this!”

“I already said yes, Beth; I can’t change my mind now. They’re counting on me to go.”

“I’ll go with him, watch his back,” Daryl contributes from the door to the kitchen.

“NO!” the cry is torn from Beth before she reigns herself in and she’s shaking again, just now with the effort of not screaming at them both, letting out her pain and frustration at the possibility of losing both her husband and her best friend on the same mission. It’s been bad enough waiting and worrying while her friends or her sister and brother-in-law were out on missions and she’s been infinitely grateful that Rick’s job didn’t involve that kind of thing and that Carl was more interested in going to school at the moment than trying to join a run team. For this announcement to come now…she wanted to stand and get away from them, but she can tell her legs won’t hold her at the moment and she’s worried she’s going to start heaving again. Her heart’s beating like a jackhammer, her vision’s going blurry on the edges and every time she tries to say anything further, she can’t form words calmly just then, all she can do is what she does as she flings herself off the chair and into Rick’s arms, sobbing.

 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hoping I'd get further in this chapter, but it seemed important for Daryl and Beth to have a talk and get some things out in the open. They haven't actually interacted too much in this fic and I especially wanted him to have some time to work through his feelings. What Daryl did when they were dating was honestly classic self-defeating behavior for someone with terrible self-esteem who has suffered a lot of mental abuse, whether or not it's paired with physical abuse. It doesn't mean his feelings for Beth changed and he also has a belief that she's better off with Rick, even if he gets flashes of jealousy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn more about the mission and some of what's going on in Rick's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi All,  
> I want to apologize for the long delay getting back to this story! When I started this fic, I had the whole story line in my head and knew exactly where I wanted it to go and the whole thing was so clear to me that I didn't bother to write it down (FYI to all other authors - write it down!). After the last chapter I got a lot of feedback in person and online from people telling me what they wanted to see me do to fix the problem and I LOVE feedback, don't get me wrong, but not everyone agreed on what was needed and when I tried to incorporate ideas that weren't mine, I lost my original thread and I couldn't get it back. I grappled for some time with what happens next and trying to come up with a new story line. What came out in this chapter...it's not what I originally intended and not everyone's going to like it and the same will be true for the next chapter, but it's where the characters flowed and these are messy, complicated people who just don't listen when I try to poke them in certain directions. I apologize if you don't like it...it's not what I'd intended at all and it was painful to write at times, but I hope you bear with me and that at least most of you will be okay by the next chapter. I'm going to get it done as soon as I can to bring this to resolution.
> 
> Thank you to those who have reviewed and also who have wished me well - 2015 got off to a rough start for me and my family, but we're all hoping it will keep on getting better.
> 
> Thank you so much to the person who's patiently listened to me gripe and moan my way through this chapter while offering support and suggestions. I'm not going to name you because I don't want any blame to fall on you if people don't like it, but you know who you are & you have my deepest thanks!

Daryl brought a bottle of water and placed it on a nearby end table, then left after a few minutes of Beth’s sobbing muttering that he would be back the next day, clearly unable to stay and see her in pain when he wasn’t able to do anything about it. Rick just nodded, scooped up his wife and carried her over to the couch, easing them both down so that she was in his lap and his legs were up on the sofa. He rubbed her back softly, trying to get her to stop crying and leaned back to wait out her emotional outburst.

Why had he reacted the way he did? The day before had been busy, stressful and emotional for both of them…probably even more so for Beth, being there for her sister’s labor and delivery while trying to care of Judith and wondering if she would be going through the same thing in a few months. He thought about how she’d waited to do the pregnancy test until he could be with her so that they could share the moment instead of simply using it and showing it to him afterward and knew she needed him to be as excited about the baby as she was and he had let her down in that way too. She could easily have done what Lori had done for both her pregnancies and used the test and shown him the results, but she’d wanted him to go through the waiting and discovery with her. In spite of that and expecting the positive result, he’d been upset and hadn’t stopped to consider her feelings.

God, why had he been such an asshole? He knows Beth wouldn’t be unfaithful to him, knows that Daryl wouldn’t be, either, even if both were given the chance. He’s known them for years; they’ve lived together in close quarters, fought together, comforted one another through grief and loss and celebrated good things as well…he _knows_ them both. When he’d taken the time to really think about Shane he’d realized that there had been signs of what Shane had been that he’d ignored for a long time. He’d been careful to observe all of the people in their group both on the road and at the prison as well as listening to the gossip and knew Daryl and Beth were among the most trustworthy people he’d met in his life. Even back before he’d totally forgiven Rick for handcuffing Merle to that rooftop in Atlanta, Daryl had backed him on his decisions and continued to act in the interests of the group and there had never been a whiff of Beth acting with anything but the utmost integrity. Yet, in spite of all that, Rick couldn’t shake the surge of jealousy and rage that came over him just thinking about their close relationship even as Beth sobbed in his arms.

He doesn’t even know why he’d questioned her on their wedding night and he’d hurt her then, too; she’d shared her first sexual experience with him, trusted him more than any other man by marrying him and giving herself wholly to him and he’d questioned her honesty. In his heart, he knew he hadn’t been thinking of dildos when the question left his mouth; he’d been thinking of Daryl, Zach and Jimmy and wondering just how far Beth had gone with any of them even if she’d claimed to be a virgin. He’d remembered only later that he’d once overheard Zach complaining Beth wouldn’t do anything with him beyond kissing and he knew that everyone had been watching over Beth and Jimmy at the farm, in spite of the fact that nobody had ever witnessed them trying to sneak off with each other. Even when Daryl and Beth had gone off to hunt and track together while they’d been on the road, they always returned with game, not with mussed clothing and swollen lips like other couple did on a regular basis.

Beth moves off him suddenly, grabs a nearby trashcan and starts retching and can’t seem to either bring up anything or stop; tears are running out of her eyes and he knows her nose is full and she can’t get a breath with the dry heaves she’s having. Rick grabs the water bottle Daryl had left, opens it and holds it for her in one hand while placing his other hand on her back. “Try to drink a little water, Beth” he says calmly, remembering how it would usually get Lori to stop vomiting when she was pregnant. His wife gives a jerky little nod in response, but instead reaches into his back pocket and snatches out the handkerchief he keeps there. Rather than drinking the next time the retching paused, she draws a deep breath through her mouth and then blows her nose to clear it. It seems to help her regain some control and she stops crying, even though the next bout of retching makes her eyes water. The next gap, she takes the water bottle and a quick swallow, which immediately comes back up, but the next time she tries it stays down and her dry heaves stop. She takes another cautious sip before blowing her nose again.

As she sits there with her hair coming out of its neat pony tail, red-eyed and pale from crying and vomiting, taking small, slow sips of water, the magnitude of what he’s done to his family presses in on him, but he pushes back not wanting to acknowledge just how bad it is. He reaches out and gently hooks some pieces of hair that are hanging in her face back behind her ear. Beth has regained control of her body and moves slightly away from his touch instead of leaning into it as she would have done even that morning. The look she gives him is both steady and determined and her normally smooth, sweet voice is a little hoarse as she says, “I need to go fix that food for Maggie and Glenn…they’ll probably be home before too much longer and will need something to eat.”

“Beth, honey….” Rick stops when Beth shakes her head slightly.

“We need to talk, but I’ve got to stop crying and get to work. Why don’t you come and help me? Is Judy napping?”

“Michonne was still here when I came back to the house and she said she’d take Judy overnight.”

“You told her?” Beth’s not upset about Michonne knowing, just curious and glad that Judith will be with both Michonne and Daryl tonight.

Rick nods, “She didn’t say much about it, but I could tell she didn’t think much of me leaving.” He tugs on Beth’s hand and she slowly comes back and settles in his lap again.

“She’s good about stuff like that,” Beth says, but she quirks her head at her husband and adds, “but you know we really need to, right? Talk, that is. You can’t just not talk to me about this or start talking about what you need and what has to get done before you go away. Was Carl still here? Does he know?”

“Yeah, he was still here when I got back and you’re right, he’s pretty angry with me,” that was an understatement, but he doesn’t even want to think about how upset his son really was. “He didn’t say, but he’s going to want to come with me, isn’t he?”

“He really is,” Beth affirms and then looks steadily at her husband for a moment. “Why didn’t you talk to me before making this decision, Rick? We’re _married_ , we’re supposed to be _partners_ , but you agreed to all this without even discussing it with me, within hours of us confirming I’m pregnant for my first time. You promised me right here on this couch that you were going to talk to me about things, _talk_ to me if something upsets you. I’m not just some girl in your group anymore, I’m your _wife_ and Carl’s not a little boy anymore who has to just accept what you tell him without having an opinion. He’s going to want to go with you if you’re going out again, but part of him’s going to feel guilty if he leaves Judy…it’s going to tear him up either way. Have you realized what it’s meant to him to feel even semi-secure, to be back in school learning valuable skills, have friends his own age, have a girlfriend and to not just think about how to survive every minute?   Also, Daryl just got back yesterday after being gone for months and you committed him to going without even talking to him about it beforehand.”

“He can say ‘no’!” Rick says hotly, “Daryl doesn’t have to go; I haven’t said anything to Hendrix about him!”

“When has he ever turned you down, Rick? He thinks of you as his brother…he’s not going to tell you ‘no’ or let you go out there when you’ve told him you want him with you! He’d probably have volunteered to go with you even if you’d just said you were going, but he’s barely going to have time to debrief and no time to rest before going out again and that leaves you both vulnerable.”

Rick doesn’t want to talk about Daryl with Beth right then…he’s ashamed of his thoughts and feelings about his wife and best friend, but he can’t seem to shake them. His wife’s looking at him with a keen, steady gaze that reminds him uncomfortably of her father’s and he can see a gentle disbelief in her face, “You’re jealous.” Her voice is quiet, but he’s known her for a long time and he knows that she’s eventually going to get really angry at him for his stupidity if she thinks that’s all there is to it, so he tells her more, just not everything.

“It wasn’t just that, though,” Rick admits reluctantly, “I don’t want another baby." Beth draws in her breath sharply; her eyes are again brimming with tears and he can see betrayal and hurt there as well and loops his arms around her again, afraid she’s going to get up, walk out of the house. “I didn’t want to lose you, so I didn’t tell you and I thought we were safe, that _you_ were safe and I got careless. I was angry about it…angry at me, at you, at God, at this baby. I can’t lose another wife; I went through hell!”

Beth’s shoulders hunch as if she’s just taken a slap and he knows something else he’s said is wrong, but he doesn’t know exactly which part it was that made her react that way. He hasn’t even admitted to his worst lies yet and he already feels like he’s struggling to hold on to her. She looks at him with bloodshot eyes and visibly steels herself before asking “Is there more that I should know? Because now is the time to tell me if you’re leaving anything out.”

“I swear that’s all” he says, because he can’t admit the other things just then; he may not know everything about Beth, but he knows the Greene women enough to know there's at least a possibility that she’d tell him to leave the house and not come back if she knew. He didn’t know if Beth would be able to up and leave Judith because she’s the center of the little girl’s universe, but him? If she knew everything, she’d have no problem leaving him and divorce was easy in the Safe Zone…she wouldn’t even need his agreement to get one. He thinks about Mark and other single men who’d be thrilled if Beth was free again and he tightens his arms a little more.

“Rick, those are things you should have told me a long time ago! We talked about how much I wanted children back when Judith was tiny and you’d asked me if I’d be willing to be her primary caretaker since she liked me and I could usually keep her quiet. I told you then I’d always wanted a baby of my own and we’ve talked about it since. You should have said something, or at least worn a condom! Daddy told me years ago that women still get pregnant even if their periods don’t come regularly and I’d have told you that if you’d just talked to me about it.” She pulls back further and eyes him again. “Why’d you even start courting me knowing that and why’d you keep on after you knew Daryl and I were going to stay friends? These things aren’t trivial and we should have talked about them way back when we first started dating.”

“I didn’t want to lose you, Beth.”

“Why? Why’d you even want me in the first place? I don’t mean that you shouldn’t have wanted me,” she adds. “My parents raised me to believe in myself and I have a good idea of my worth here, but it’s not like there weren’t other available women, so why me?”

“Beth, there aren’t a lot of women like you. Most of the ones who’ve survived this long are either tough as nails or have made it because of what they trade to make sure others will protect them. You’re gorgeous, you’re great with the kids, you sing beautifully and you make my life better; how could I not want you?”

Disappointment flashes across her features and instead of making him feel contrite, he feels frustrated and angry, impatient with this whole conversation. “What do you want from me, Beth? I love you! I brought us all here hoping for a better life, got a job, got this house, took you in when you didn’t want to stay by yourself and I’ve made sure you and the kids have everything you need. I don’t know what else you want!”

“I want you to not go! I want you here with us, for Carl to stay in school and with his friends and for Judy to have both her parents here with her and for you to be here with me during this pregnancy! The house is nice, having food is great and indoor plumbing is a luxury I never thought we’d have again, but it doesn’t mean anything if you’re not here or Carl gets hurt or Judy doesn’t get to grow up with her dad and brother here and I don’t want this baby to never know his dad or brother! Please, Rick, please go back and tell Hendrix you just found out I’m pregnant and that you can’t go! Please!” She’s absolutely begging him, not letting her pride get in the way of what she believes to her core is best for them all and part of him knows she’s right, but he can’t shake the voice that tells him not to give in, not get soft just because of her pleading.

He can’t dislodge the feeling of betrayal that sits heavy on his heart and mind and for a moment it’s Lori pleading with him, begging him to tell her what he wanted of her, that she’d do whatever he wanted, stay together or break up, as long as they were able to move forward. He’d shut her out and kept her in limbo through all the months of her pregnancy with Judith after finding out she’d nearly aborted the baby and that the baby could be Shane’s and not his because she’d started having an affair with his best friend right after Rick had supposedly died in the hospital.

When his mouth opens again, it’s almost like someone else speaking, “Judy’s never going to have both her parents anyway because Lori’s dead,” as all the color drains from Beth’s face his sense of shame deepens, but he can’t seem to stop. “I’ve already told you I can’t back out from this commitment because other people are relying on me to go and Carl can come with me if he wants; he’s a grown man in this world.”

“You said I was her mama,” Beth whispers. Everyone had said it, not just Rick; even some of the people who had known Lori and almost everyone who hadn’t had moments where they forgot Judith wasn’t hers. Rick had even been the one who started it one night when he couldn’t get his daughter to calm down he’d finally handed her to Beth and Judith had quieted down almost immediately, snuffling into the young woman’s neck and he’d laughed and said “She just wanted her mama.” Everyone had seemed shocked at the comment, including Rick himself, but he’d let it stand at the time; biologically or not, Beth was the only mother Judith had ever known.

He’s immediately contrite, “I’m sorry, honey. I’m just frustrated” and unreasonably angry and jealous, but he doesn’t want to address those feelings with her because he _knows_ they’re illogical, he just can’t seem to reign them in. “I’ve told you I can’t back out now; they want me to be the one to go do this and if I turn them down it could be bad for all of us.”

“How could it be that bad? It’s not your job, Rick; they can’t use it against you if you turn them down for this…how could they? Hendrix may have asked you, but he’s not your boss. You’re even going to have to get special permission to even go, aren’t you? He couldn’t have made those arrangements for you before you’d even agreed, so you can’t be fully committed! Just please stop it for now and let’s talk about it. We can go and talk to him together if that would help…”

“It’s done, honey; the permission’s been given and my leave approved,” he’d walked to his station and gotten the okay before coming home…he hadn’t wanted to leave anything to chance, though now it’s another thing he’s regretting. He’d been impulsive all his life and most of the time it had paid off…his ability to make snap decisions had made him a celebrated quarterback in high school and he was a good police officer because he was good at assessing situations and swiftly deciding on a course of action. Really, the only place he’d ever gotten in trouble for it was at home when Lori would gripe at him about his lack of communication and precipitancy regarding decisions that affected the whole family. (Sure, Carol had complained about the same thing nearly every day he’d been in charge of the group and maybe all his decision hadn’t been great, but they’d needed someone who could make them instead of debating all the time.) This whole conversation with Beth was reminding him of Lori and their fights and he pushed down the surge of mingled bitterness and regret he felt at the memory.

“Rick, baby, we can’t live like this” Beth said, quietly but with more than a hint of steel in her voice. “You promised me that you’d talk to me, that you’d say if something was bothering you or if we needed to discuss anything and yet we’re only three months into our marriage and you’ve made a decision that affects all of us without even saying a word to me ahead of time. I can tell you’re leaving something out. Have you changed your mind about me, about us? Do you even still want to be married to me?”

“Of course I do! I want you, Beth!”

“Then you need to go and tell them you can’t leave right now; we haven’t done anything to deserve being treated this way and I won’t have it even if I do love you! You were cold and distant with Lori through her pregnancy with Judith and I told myself it was because of what had happened between her and Shane. Lori tried to be understanding about it because she thought she deserved it, but I haven’t done anything but love you and be as good to you and the kids as I know how to be and I know I deserve better than to be overlooked like this and so do the kids.”

“It won’t happen again, Beth, I promise.”

“You promised me _this_ wouldn’t happen, but it did…I don’t want another promise, I want your actions from now on to show me what your words don’t right now. If things are as you say and they won’t let you change your mind and stay with us and you take Carl and Daryl and whoever else with you, I’ll deal with it, but I need you to at least try to change what you’ve done because I need you all here and safe.”

If anything, Rick’s feeling both angrier and guiltier than he was when the conversation began and part of him wants to ask her what she’ll do about it if he does, but she hasn’t said anything to threaten him directly and he doesn’t want to push her now. He’s always seen Beth as a sweet young woman who was soft and beautiful and could make him a good home…even when she’d fought with Daryl or Maggie on the road, she’d always seemed more adorable than threatening, but now he can see something in her eyes that he hasn’t really ever noticed before and he’s sure he doesn’t want to test it yet. “You’ll see” he responds.

She nods, so he loosens his arms and she stands and heads for the kitchen saying over her shoulder, “I’d still like it if you’d come help me so we can keep talking.”

As she pulls out what she needs for supper, Beth asks him about the rumored community, how they’d heard of it and any other details she can think of right then and Rick answers them to the best of his ability. Supposedly it’s about 300 miles from them, further to the north and west, more inland than they are; far enough that their teams haven’t seen the community, they’ve just run into others who have talked about the new safe zone. It’s in the old Finger Lakes region of what was New York State where the soil was rich and all kinds of crops once grew. If they can establish a connection the new zone and it works out, they would have another source for crops, for lake fish and other sources they don’t always have in Alexandria and are going to need. The walkers are still bad enough that growing crops and gardens outside the walls is extremely risky, but the old factory canned foods don’t last forever and they have to have fresh food.

Things go smoothly while Beth pulls out a cutting board and vegetables for Rick to chop, but when she pulls out a fresh chicken to season and ready for roasting the sight of the raw bird and smell of its meat makes her feel like her stomach’s trying to claw its way out through her throat and she makes another mad dash for the back yard. She’s still on her knees trying to regain control when she hears “Bethie?” and Maggie and Glenn pop around the corner of the house, little Hershel held securely to Glenn’s chest in a carrier, to check out the commotion while Rick comes down the steps with the bottle of water again held in his hands.

“Are you...?” Maggie starts, stuttering to a halt before giving a huge whoop and hurrying toward her sister and Rick. She’s looking into her sister’s eyes as she gets closer and something she sees there makes the joy drop off her face and her steps falter for a second. “Do you still want us to come over later?” she asks instead.

Rick hands Beth the bottle of water before answering Maggie, “We thought it would be easier if we came to you. Beth went to the market this morning and brought back bread, cheese and other stuff and we have soup and chili we’re bringing, but I’m not sure we’re baking the chicken right now.”

“Bring the chicken and other stuff over to our house and we’ll bake it; Beth can rest for a while before you come over for supper.” Her face softens again looking at her little sister, “Have you been able to eat anything today?”

Beth’s managed another sip of water and the heaving has stopped again so she shakes her head and says quietly, “No, just a little water.”

The look of concern deepens on Maggie’s face as she continues to take in her sister’s appearance and Rick’s pretty sure that her sharp eyes hadn’t missed that when Beth had taken the water bottle from him she hadn’t allowed their fingers to touch. Maggie’s eyes flick from Beth to Rick and something she sees there makes the skin tighten around her eyes. “Rick? Why don’t you get the chicken and other stuff together and take it to our place? Glenn, honey, please hand over the baby and go help him.” Glenn hastens to comply, gently undoing the clasps that hold the carrier and transferring the baby boy to Maggie, who adjusts the straps and makes sure the carrier is securely in place before moving closer to her sister to talk softly to the younger woman.

Glenn taps Rick on the shoulder with a quiet, “C’mon” and Rick turns to follow the younger man inside to gather the food and move it to the other house.

“What’s going on with the two of you?” Glenn asks, confronting Rick as soon as they’re alone in the Rhee house.

Knowing they’re going to find out soon anyway, Rick tells him the same story he’s told Beth, but he doesn’t really expect the vehemence with which his brother-in-law responds. “You have to tell them you can’t go. That run was originally supposed to go to Abe and he’s not going because of Rosita and they understand that; they didn’t even ask me because of Maggie and the baby, but there are other people who can do it. They’re really reasonable, Rick; there’s no way they’ll hold you to it.”

“I gave my word” Rick states flatly, “all the arrangements are made and it’s going to look bad if I back out now.”

“You’d rather look bad to your family and friends than people who would understand and not hold it against you? What’s going on, Rick? Why would you abandon Beth right now?”

“I’m not abandoning her! We’ll be back in a few weeks….”

“Wait,” Glenn interrupts, “We? Who’s ‘we?’ You’re not thinking of taking Beth?”

“Carl wants to come and I asked Daryl….”

“Carl _wants_ to leave Beth and Judith? What about Lucy? Carol came by the hospital for a visit and said Daryl just got back yesterday, so he shouldn’t be scheduled to go on another scouting mission for weeks. He’s still got to debrief and even have a couple days off before he’ll be put back on the schedule to pull guard shift on the wall. Why would you even...? _Oh_.” Glenn’s looking at Rick as though he’s never really seen him before.

“I’m not _making_ Daryl come with me, I just asked him.”

Glenn sighed and rubbed his hand over his face before looking at Rick again, “Out there just now? Is that just because Beth’s upset or is she pregnant as well?”

“We just found out today, so she’s probably got at least eight more months before the baby comes.”

“You can’t….”

They’re interrupted by the door opening and Maggie coming in, a look of fury on her face and exclaiming “Rick Grimes, you…!”

“Maggie!” Glenn interrupts, “You’ve got to calm down, honey; it’s bad for you and the baby.”

“ _I’m_ fine, _our_ baby’s fine” she rounds on Rick again. “Beth’s barely eaten or drunk anything for two days and couldn’t even make it up the stairs to go to bed; she’s asleep on the couch right now. What were you _thinking_?”

Rick’s suddenly sick of all the questioning, “I don’t have to explain myself to you – either of you. It’s none of your business if I want to go on this trip or who I take with me!” He turns and walks out of their house in spite of them both calling for him to come back and heads for the street so he can take a calming walk and think things through. As he reaches his front yard he spies Michonne coming off his porch, but keeps going even as she falls in step beside him.

“Where’s Judith?”

“Daryl’s got her, or she’s got him…never have seen a grown man so wrapped around a baby’s little finger.”

They both chuckle a little in wry acknowledgement before a brief silence falls. They walk nearly an hour, making a circuit around the community as Rick tries to let go of the negative emotions flooding his mind and body, Michonne a silent, supportive presence at his side. Eventually he starts to pour out his feelings about the baby, as well as Beth and Daryl and before he knows it he’s talking about Lori and Shane and how he still feels about their betrayal. Details about the situation and his thoughts that he’s never voiced come pouring out of him like a dam had burst somewhere inside him. He’s never told anyone before just how much what had happened with Lori and Shane had shaken the foundations of his world; how long they’d known each other and how much trust he’d had in both of them. It’s the first time he’s ever admitted to suspecting they’d at least had feelings for each other long before he’d been shot because he couldn’t see them falling into bed together that quickly otherwise. For the first time ever he admits to being angry and disappointed in Carl because of the admiration his son had for Shane and his fear when Carl shot the teen from Woodbury that Carl was going to be more like Shane than him.

His insecurities as a husband come spilling out along with how he wondered if Shane or Daryl or someone else could have done a better job protecting Lori or Beth or guiding the group and defending the prison than he’d done. So much had been lost because of his stubborn decisions to stay and to not treat The Governor as a serious threat when Michonne and others had known the madman needed to be killed for the group to live in peace.

“Hope you’re not waiting for me to disagree with you and say you were right on that score,” Michonne snorts gently. “Told you we needed to kill that monster.” She bumps Rick’s shoulder gently with hers, though, “You were a good leader, Rick, you just had a few blind spots is all; your heart was always in the right place. You wanted a safe place for your family, room to grow food so everyone would have enough, wanted to have animals so we’d have meat from something larger than squirrels or rabbits without Daryl having to go spend days hunting trying for a deer and you took people in who needed a safe place to stay and people to help them. You were right that nobody makes it alone anymore.” She bumps him again, “Took me in when you had no reason to trust me, made me part of your group, didn’t take away my weapons…you gave me your trust and made me a part of your family.”

“You deserved it; you showed me I could trust you and you did things to help the whole group. Carl and Daryl liked you when they didn’t like _anyone_ new.” Rick cut his eyes over to her, “The farming helped Carl, you know? Hershel was right that there’s something calming about working the soil and growing stuff, but the comics and candy you brought him made him happy. First time I saw him smile after Lori’s death he was curled up on his cot reading one of the comic books and eating some Sour Patch Kids you’d brought him.”

“I like Carl, so even if the candy was hard to find sometimes it was always worth it…even if he would sneak in and steal stale M & M’s from my room.”

Rick laughed, “I never knew he did that; I’ve got to talk to him about taking things that aren’t his.”

The warrior woman made a low noise in her throat, but doesn’t say anything further. “What?” Rick asks. “I’ve never taken anything that didn’t belong to me.”

Michonne takes a few beats before replying, trying to work out exactly what she wants to say before giving voice to her thoughts. “You didn’t give her time,” she says gently and it takes a minute for Rick to realize she means Beth. “We came home, she talked with Daryl, they broke up and you started courting her the next morning.” They stop walking as she lays a thin, gentle hand on his arm, “She’s got one of the sweetest, most open hearts of anyone I’ve ever encountered before or after the Turn and I saw you; you went out of your way to make her happy, to do every little thing you could think of to win her over and she fell for you. She already loved and admired you and she and the kids adore each other and it was all too easy for you to play on that, even if you didn’t mean to. Most of us were away on runs and she didn’t have anyone but you and the kids and you weren’t playing fair; it was like you were trying to win a prize.”

He says quietly, “Beth is a prize.”

“She is in all kinds of ways, but she’s also young and I saw her with Zach enough I can tell you she didn’t love him - I think Daryl was her first real love and he broke her heart with what he did, but I think she saw why he did it too. If he’d given her any hope he was going to let go of his past, she’d have taken him back; even if her mind was telling her to move on, her heart wasn’t ready for it. You bowled her over with all your attention, courted her like a whirlwind, married her just over a month after that and sometimes relationships like that work out…meet, marry and live happily ever after just thinking the other hung the moon. Hey, my grandparents were like that – lovebirds their whole lives, but I never heard of it when one person had just lost their first big love right before. Doesn’t seem like you all even talked about much…you never told her you didn’t want more kids?”

“I knew she could go months without a period and she’d be unbelievably sick when she did have one…I just thought she probably couldn’t get pregnant. Hershel said once that when a woman’s starving it’s one of the first things the body shuts down.”

“From what I heard Beth starved herself on the road to make sure Lori and Carl ate and for a while at the prison when you first brought in the people from Woodbury and we never had enough; but Daryl, Carol and Hershel all put a stop to it when they realized what was happening. Even Maggie and Glenn knew and someone always watched her at mealtimes to make sure she ate her share and she’s not starving now, you know.”

“I know.” Rick sighs and admits “Unexpired condoms are hard to come by, I liked having sex without one and Beth said she was a virgin so I felt it was safe.”

Michonne laughs, low and throaty and gives him some side-eye as she asks, “Sex is okay?”

“The sex is great,” he admits. “I can’t even believe I have her half the time, you know? I feel like the luckiest man in the world when I come home at the end of the day. Lori wasn’t much of a home maker or a cook and Beth’s just…she’s great! The house is always clean, the kids are really happy, she’s an amazing cook and she takes really good care of us and she’s beautiful and sexy as hell too. People stare at her when we go out and men were fighting over her before we got married.”

When Michonne doesn’t reply at once, Rick starts getting the same feeling he’d gotten with Beth earlier…that he’d disappointed his friend somehow. He deeply respected the dreaded woman’s opinion and knew he could count on her answer being thoughtful and not just some emotional reaction. “Beth had a similar reaction, but I don’t know what I’m saying that’s so wrong,” he admits. “I love her; I can’t believe how much better off we are with her, but obviously something I’m saying isn’t right.”

“You’re saying what you feel” Michonne says, not committing one way or the other.

“But there’s still something wrong with it?”

“It’s not that it’s wrong, just…well, why do you like me?”

“Who says I like you?” Rick teases, giving Michonne a grin, which she answers, before growing thoughtful again. “Lots of reasons…you’re brave, persistent, thoughtful, quiet – well, most of the time – you can keep secrets; you’re smart, patient, dedicated to survival...I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you, really.”

“When I stayed with you did you care about how the house was kept?”

“I didn’t really care, you know that; it always felt comfortable.”

“You ever think about my looks?”

Rick flushed, “I’m a man, aren’t I? You’re beautiful and you have an amazing body, but it’s not why I like you.”

“Well, I know you don’t like me because of my cooking. You cooked as often as I did and you know I can do the basics, but I’m not winning any awards.”

“I’m not either, but none of us ever went hungry. Besides, you made up for it keeping us laughing while we were eating.” They walk in silence for a while before Rick breaks it again by saying “You didn’t answer my question, ‘Chonne.”

“I’m trying to, but it’s not easy to answer, especially because you’re not even aware of it. It’s not that we don’t all know you love Beth, but when I asked you why you love her...it’s all about things she does for you and the kids or how she looks, not about who she is and that’s not enough to sustain a marriage. Even people who didn’t know her well back at the prison loved Beth, you know. They loved her beauty, her singing, all the things she did that helped them and made them more comfortable and the fact that she did it all happily because that’s just who she is, but most of them couldn’t have told you three things about her other than those things.”

“Those things are who she is,” Rick argues, confused.

“Those are things come out from who she is, but they aren’t who she is.” Michonne looks at him calmly, a deep understanding and sympathy in her eyes, “Do you know why I like Beth?” When the former deputy cocks his head at her without replying, she goes on, “Not only had I seen all the things she did around the prison without complaining, but she was the first person at the prison to tell me you all cared about me. I fell outside the gate and sprained my ankle the day the walkers were found in D-block and Maggie ran out to take down some walkers and help me back in the gates while Carl opened and shut them for us. While Beth was wrapping up my ankle, I said I was stupid for falling and they should have left me because they could have gotten hurt and she said I was stupid for thinking that because when you care about someone, hurt is part of the package. Her father and Glenn were in the thick of things, the boy she’d been seeing had died and she’s there telling me that I was worth the risk her sister and friend took to save me, not for what I could do for anyone, but just because they cared about me and wouldn’t leave me behind.” They’d stopped walking as she spoke and Michonne’s eyes bored into Rick’s as she blinked back tears, “That’s the woman you’ve got, that’s why I care about her and why I want to see you both happy.”

Rick’s got tears in his eyes too from Michonne’s revelation, “I never knew that,” he said quietly, taking her hand without even thinking. “Of course we cared about you for more than what you did for us. Just you being at the prison made everyone feel better, just because of who you were.”

The warmth was evident in Michonne’s responding smile, rare and beautiful, “I never pictured a prison being my home, but it didn’t take long for me to see it that way. People welcomed me, made sure I was comfortable, that nobody else took my room even when I stayed away for weeks...I can’t tell you how much it meant to me to have somewhere like that, Rick. You’re a good man, you know…if you’d never done another good thing in your life, you gave so many people a safe place when most people in this world would just as soon kill you.” Her smile faded and she continued gently, “It’s why I want you to think about what you’re doing and not punish yourself and Beth over things that are just in your head.”

“I have to do this, ‘Chonne,” Rick says firmly, “I just…I need some time and space just to process it all and get my head straight.”

“Then at the least _tell_ Beth you need some time to think, but if you leave on this trip as things are you may have more space than you really want. Take the night to think about backing out of the trip; Beth may not know the man, but you can’t tell me that Marcus Hendrix won’t understand if you tell him the situation.” The man’s wife and child had been torn apart by walkers while he’d been away from the group searching for supplies…Michonne was positive he would insist Rick stay behind if he knew about Beth’s pregnancy. A thought occurs to her and she asks, “What made him ask you anyway?”

“He was telling me about the new safe zone and how they were going to send a scouting party and I mentioned that sometimes I missed being out on the road and had always wanted to see that area of the country. Next thing I knew he was asking me.”

They were now in the park that Daryl and Beth had been in earlier, the one not far from Rick’s home and at Rick’s words, Michonne stopped dead under a huge, spreading oak to stare at her friend, “You volunteered?”

“He asked….”

“Because you said you wanted to go.” Rick flushed guiltily at her words, ducking his head and looking away before looking back at her and all she can do is shake her head as she looks back, shaking her head a little before she sighs “Daryl hurt them both because he wouldn’t let go of his past and you may not see it now, but you’re doing the same kind of thing, Rick. You have so much you wanted for so long and I don’t want to see you lose it and hurt the people you love in the process.”

“I just…I can’t think being here. I look at Beth and see Lori, I hear about her leaning her head on Daryl’s shoulder even though they’re in public and just talking and I think of what happened with Shane. My first thought about the baby was to wonder if it’s mine….”

“You’ve got to stop that line of thinking because you’re just going to drive yourself crazy and hurt the ones you love. Lori and Shane are dead and you’ve got to find a way to leave them there and see what you have before it’s gone.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” Rick replies miserably. He doesn’t feel angry and defensive with Michonne anymore; he can tell she’s not condemning him for what he’s doing, even if she doesn’t fully comprehend his thought process.

There doesn’t seem to be anything else to say about it and after a moment, they both turn and keep walking back toward Rick’s place. Their discussion turns from the implications of Rick going on the scouting trip to the trip itself and Michonne surprises Rick by stating she wants to go with the team, answering his unasked question when she affirms she anticipates Carl wanting to go and that she wants to be there for her young friend and for the rest of their walk their conversation centers around the logistics of the trip.

As they near Rick’s house, they see a shadowy figure on the porch and Rick wishes for about the hundredth time that they could find some solar lights to illuminate the space so that he could see from a greater distance who was waiting there. It turns out to be Glenn, looking grim but not actively hostile, to let Rick know that Beth was spending the night at their house, not out of anger, but because she’d been too sick to eat supper and had fallen into an exhausted sleep on their couch afterward and they didn’t want to try to wake her up. Part of Rick wants to go over, pick up his wife and carry her home where she belonged, but remembered her retching earlier in the day and how miserable she’d been and reluctantly agrees with his brother-in-law.

Glenn turns away and heads home and Rick has a flash of anger at the fact that he’s not invited to come over and spend the night. Even yesterday the offer of a mattress on the living room floor would have been extended so that Rick could at least stay in the room with his wife, but now the offer doesn’t come. If Rick couldn’t see Carl’s light burning upstairs he might have pushed it, but he knows he needs to talk to his son. Michonne rests a hand on his shoulder before she leaves and he almost begs her to stay and help him talk to his son…she’d be able to explain things and work Carl out of his bad mood with jokes and talk about silly things they could look for on the run.

Rick can’t even remember a time he’d been good at silly.

Their talk goes pretty much as Rick expected. Carl’s angry and struggling with his dad’s choices, but he knows Beth and Judith are relatively safe behind the walls in Alexandria with Glenn and Maggie and he can’t see letting his father go on the mission without hm. Even furious at his dad, he still loves him. What does surprise Rick, when the subject comes up is how much Carl’s looking forward to the new baby. The former deputy had never asked if his son wanted more siblings other than Judith and had, in fact, assumed he wouldn’t after watching his sister’s violent birth and having to shoot Lori in the head. Instead, Carl told him about supper at Glenn and Maggie’s and how great he thought Hershey (little Hershel’s new nickname) was and how much he was hoping the new baby would also be a boy and the things he looked forward to doing as his little siblings got old enough. Carl had even started a list of supplies they could look for while on the scouting trip, with “formula” and “baby toys” topping the list. Even when Rick tried to explain that hopefully neither baby would need formula, Carl had shrugged it off and said that if they didn’t need it someone else would and they should look anyhow. By the time their talk ended and Rick climbed into bed, he was feeling more at peace than he had all day even if he missed the feel of Beth’s soft, warm body next to his and the comfort her presence brought him.

Between the lack of Judith’s soft baby snores and Beth’s absence, the house seems too quiet and colder than normal, but Rick’s tired both physically and mentally and it doesn’t take long before his eyes close and sleep claims him.

The next morning dawns bright and clear, the sunshine a welcome sight that Rick takes as a good omen. He’s quick to brush his teeth, wash up and head downstairs to start water boiling for their morning tea and is happy to hear Carl get up and head into the shower. He’s already started the last of the bacon frying before he thinks about Beth coming home that morning and opens a couple windows, hoping the smell will dissipate quickly. Everything’s ready by the time Carl gets downstairs close to nine thirty since both of them have a late start that day. By the time they eat and clear the breakfast dishes, they can hear Beth calling from outside and go to talk to her. She’d been able to smell the bacon while still outside and only the fresh air around her is keeping her from heaving.

She’s looking even thinner and paler than usual the slight, healthy flush of pink usually right under the surface of her skin absent as she stands in the front yard talking to them. Rick can’t read the expression on her face and it reminds him uncomfortably for a moment of seeing her at Grady where she’d been captive and at the mercy of others, so had hidden her feelings to protect them both. He hates himself for making her feel she has to protect herself again, but can’t stop yearning for some distance from them – his wife and the rapidly growing baby she carries – to come to terms with the conflicts in his head.

As he’s looking at her, he becomes aware of movement down the street and flicks his eyes up to see a car stopping and Daryl climbing out the passenger side and Carol rapidly getting out of the driver’s side and moving quickly herself. Danger signals spark through his body in response to something in the redneck’s face and body language directed at him and he comes off the porch to meet the challenge, sensing Carl behind him. Daryl doesn’t telegraph the move ahead of time and his fist flies into Rick’s solar plexus without any warning, lifting the older man to his toes and briefly stopping Rick’s breathing and doubling him over right before his breakfast starts coming back up from the force of the blow. Every ounce of strength and fury in Daryl’s body had been behind the strike and Rick’s positive even Shane had never hit him with that kind of power.

For a moment his senses seem to be focused almost solely on the pain of the blow and vomiting and he’s only vaguely aware of Beth and Carol trying to calm Daryl while Carl kneels by his dad, to make sure he’s okay.

Daryl’s cussing Rick with every vile word he’d learned in his hellacious life and Rick has a lightheaded second in which he admires the creativity of the insults before he catches his breath again. Beth and Carl are both demanding to know what happened and Daryl stops just cursing Rick as the former deputy stops vomiting, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and looks up at the infuriated redneck who points at Rick and adds one more word “Liar.”

Beth steps back, looking between her best friend and husband, “What are you talking about?”

“Thought about the trip all night and it just didn’t seem right to me, so I went to see Hendrix this morning.” Rick’s heart feels like it drops as Daryl’s words continue, “He said he only asked because you told him you wanted to go, he wasn’t demanding you go – he said you can still back out any time you want to. You lied to our faces!”

Rick glances at Beth and her face is almost gray as she looks at him and it’s almost like he can see the picture she had of him in her head shattering before her, “You volunteered to go?” she asks, her voice small and quiet, but with an undertone of steel. “You’re abandoning us and taking Carl and Daryl with you because you _want_ to go?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Daryl spits the words out at Rick.

“Is that true, Dad?” Carl breaks in, sitting back on his heels as Rick looks at him and sees hurt, anger and disappointment in his son’s blue eyes, so like his own. “Why would you do that?”

“I just need some space; there’s a lot I’ve got to process….”

He doesn’t make it any further before Daryl and Carol say in unison, “Beth!” as the little blond collapses and Daryl dives to catch her before her head hits the ground.

“Get away from her!” Rick finds himself yelling. “She’s not yours, she mine… _mine!_ ” The last word’s shouted in the redneck’s face as Rick lunges forward, shoving at his friend and trying to pull Beth away.

Before Daryl can react beyond tightening his arms, Rick feels a stinging slap across his face, “Stop it!” Carol snaps, her eyes so cold and fierce that Rick stops fighting for possession of his wife’s body and stares at the older woman in shock as she turns away to look down at Beth and gently pats her face. “Beth? Beth, honey, can you wake up?” Her hands move from Beth’s face to her neck, checking for the young woman’s pulse, “I don’t like it,” she says, worry creasing her face, “her pulse is weak and uneven and her skin’s clammy. We should take her to the hospital – get her in the backseat of the car now - move!”

Daryl’s on his feet with Beth in his arms and Rick and Carl right behind him. Rick vaguely registers Maggie’s voice calling to them, concern laced through her words and Carl calling back to her. When they’re at the car and Carol’s opening the back door, Rick steps into the opening and lifts Beth’s body from the arms of the redneck, who reluctantly lets go before climbing in to the front passenger seat as Rick and Carl slide into the back, Carl rubbing his hand anxiously over Beth’s back as his father cradles the young woman. Carol drives safely, but well over the speed limit to reach the small hospital in record time, pulling up to the emergency entrance. Daryl leaping from the car before it’s fully stopped to run inside and yell for help. Orderlies appear next to the car as Rick exits with Beth in his arms and the men help guide her body onto the stretcher they’ve brought with them before rapidly moving back through the doors other staff members are holding for them. The woman doctor and a nurse appear and call instructions as the orderlies wheel Beth through another set of double doors; Rick, Daryl, Carl and Carol follow without checking for permission.

As they move Beth from the gurney to a bed, the doctor fires off questions and Rick, Daryl and Carl all answer, trying to make sure the doctor knows about the pregnancy, the vomiting and that Beth’s now into her third day of not being able to keep anything down other than a little water. At that, the doctor gently pinches some of Beth’s skin between her thumb and forefinger and watches as it tents and doesn’t go down. The nurse has the IV bag of saline in an instant and inserts the needle in Beth’s hand at the doctor’s nod, setting up the drip within seconds and hanging the bag from a hook in the wall above the bed.

“How far along is the pregnancy? Has she been checked?”

“She took a pregnancy test, but we don’t know exactly how far along she is…I don’t think it’s more than a couple weeks.”

The doctor shakes her head and stares with compassion and worry at the young woman before looking at the concerned group waiting for news, “We’ll do what we can, but I can’t promise anything.”

“Can you tell us anything else?” Carol asks, sensing the fear pouring off Daryl and hoping to ease it.

“She looks a little underweight, but you said she’s normally very healthy. My real concern is the dehydration and we’ve got the IV in and we’re running saline. We’ll see how she does after this bag, we may need to do one more bag after this, even though she’s small, just to make sure her cells have enough water. We’re out of anti-nausea medications at the moment and if she keeps getting sick you may have to bring her in every couple days so that we can rehydrate her.”

"We can do that,” Daryl responds without hesitation and glares back at Rick who gives the younger man a death stare.

“Will the baby be okay?” Carl asks, his voice sounding young due to concern and fear.

“I can’t make any guarantees, kiddo,” the doctor replies gently. “This level of dehydration is bad for anyone, but for a pregnant woman, especially this early on…I just don’t know. Let me examine her and I may be able to tell you more.”

They file reluctantly out into the waiting room and find Glenn and Maggie there, holding little Hershel and anxious for news. The group finds seating together in a corner and makes desultory conversation, temporarily distracted after a few minutes when they hear a nurse calling emergency codes and requesting help behind the doors they’d exited, but there are other patients back there besides Beth. They tense briefly, then relax as the shouting stops after a minute and nobody comes to get them.

Minutes drag by, only broken when Carol and Glenn go to find everyone some tea and come back with cups of the hot beverage, loaded with more sugar than any of them would normally have used, but the sweetness and heat are both comforting and they all sip for a while without complaint. The exam should have taken only a few minutes, but they know the drip itself would probably take a while, so they try not to worry as they near the hour mark with no news. All of them are relieved when a nurse finally comes to call them back – it’s not the same one they’d seen with the doctor earlier and they tell themselves the careful neutrality in her face doesn’t mean anything. The nurse ushers them through the doors and into a different room with chairs, but no Beth and they’re about to ask what’s going on when the doctor appears in the doorway. She’s changed into fresh scrubs and made an attempt to wash up, but the group has seen enough to see the traces of blood around her nails, on her skin and even in her hair. 

Maggie’s on her feet, her face contorting in a silent scream and the doctor, the same one who’d delivered little Hershel, is across the room holding her arms before the others can do more than get to their feet. “She’s alive” the doctor says firmly.

They demand to know what happened, Rick’s voice louder than the others and the doctor looks from Maggie to him before moving around to the others in the room and settling back on him, “She lost the baby; there was nothing we could do to stop it. When she miscarried, she hemorrhaged and it took us a while to stop the bleeding and stabilize her, but she’s resting comfortably now; she hasn’t sustained any permanent damage and I don’t see why she can’t have a successful pregnancy in the future if we monitor her carefully.”

At those words, Maggie grabs the doctor into a hug, careful not to smash her baby between them and then releases the doctor and turns into her husband’s waiting arms. Carol pulls Daryl into a hug as tears pour down both the younger man’s face and her own and Rick hugs Carl, who is also crying, but who pulls away from his dad’s embrace before looking at the doctor and asking when they can see her.

“She’s sleeping now, but you can go in two at a time for a couple minutes apiece just to see her. Don’t try to wake her up, she needs her rest. Mr. Grimes, if you want to stay we can set up a cot for you in her room.”

“I’d like that” he nods, ignoring the glares he receives from some of the others. Beth’s his wife and he wants to make sure he’s the one who’s there when she wakes up.

“We’ll tell the others and keep Asskicker again tonight,” Daryl rasps out, pulling back from Carol and wiping his eyes with the red bandana that always hangs from his back pocket.

“Can I stay with you too?” Carl asks pleadingly.

“Sure you can, bud.”

Rick glares at Daryl as the words leave the redneck’s mouth, but he can’t demand his son stay with him too if Carl wants to go stay with is sister. Even though Daryl’s angry with him, Rick knows that the other man would die to protect his kids; besides, Michonne will be there as well as Tara.

Maggie and Glenn go in first, only staying a minute, then Daryl and Carol do the same, though they take longer and Rick stews as there’s no window in the door to Beth’s room and he can’t see the redneck with is wife. It’s finally his turn and Rick goes in with Carl, who talks to Beth for a few minutes, reassuring the sleeping woman before he leaves without hugging his dad again. He’s barely looked at Rick since Daryl’s confrontation back at the house and Rick knows he and Carl are going to have a lot to work out after he’s able to go home.

Orderlies bring in a cot, pillow and a couple blankets as well as a small toothbrush still in a wrapper and a cup of toothpaste. Rick stays up for a long time, pacing the small room in a way that would have driven Beth crazy if she’d been awake to witness it before he finally lies down on the cot and rehashes the events of the last few days. As little as he’d wanted the baby when he found out about it, he suddenly feels its loss keenly; he tries hard to be a good father and realizes that a part of him had already loved the little person he’d never get to know now. Tears roll out the corners of his eyes as he stares at the ceiling, the conflicting emotions once again warring through him, consuming his mind, heart and soul, but again there’s no clear winner. He’s almost relieved that Beth knows the truth about the mission now – he should have known someone would catch him in the lie and tell Beth, but now she knew and she’d just have to understand he needed the time away to come to terms with his emotions. Although he knew he’d hurt her, she’d always been so sweet, understanding and forgiving that it never occurs to him to think she’ll be any different now that she knows about the mission. He’ll make it up to her when they get back.

The sun is setting when Beth opens her eyes and looks around the room before she spies Rick, who takes her hand and tells her about losing the baby and the hemorrhage and that she’d be fine in a day or two. He watches for her smile when he admits he’d realized he wanted more children and they could try when he gets back from the scouting trip, but it doesn’t come. He stops talking as he truly looks at Beth and for the first time sees the warrior spirit in her slight body as she seems to look into his very soul with fierce, clear eyes and his voice dies away, leaving the room quiet.

Into the stillness her clear words drop like stones into undisturbed water, “I want a divorce.” Each word causes a ripple and the ripples roll over his world, threatening to drown him as he feels like he loses his footing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any errors in this! I meant to get it out last week and didn't get it done, so it's now just after 3 AM and I've only got one eye open right now, but I hope there aren't a lot of errors and that you enjoy it anyway! Here we go....

“I got you, just take it easy,” Daryl instructs worriedly, helping her gently out of the car as Beth regains her feet; she huffs gently, but doesn’t argue. She’d tried insisting that she could walk on her own, but Daryl wouldn’t be dissuaded from assisting her and Beth had given in after Carol had told her to just let him help to make him feel better and speed things along.

 

At least he wasn’t carrying her again as he’d insisted upon doing while they were on the road after Grady, but she can tell by the way one hand grips her waist and the other the hand closest to him that it’s a near thing; one stumble and her feet may not touch the ground for another month. She’s not sure if it’s endearing or infuriating, but at only three days past waking up in the hospital after her miscarriage and talk with Rick, it’s particularly nice to know that she doesn’t have to go through the whole thing without support, either physical or emotional.

 

Rick…just thinking about him made her chest hurt and she’d have given nearly anything for him to be the one with her, helping her across the yard and up the porch of their home, but he was gone on the scouting trip, taking Carl and Michonne with him. He’d argued against the divorce and said he’d do anything if she’d reconsider…anything except the one thing she wanted him to do – stay. She had never asked that he stay just for herself, although God knew she didn’t want him to go, but for all their sakes including Rick’s. She was still shocked that he’d leave her right after the miscarriage and leave Judith when his kids had always been so important to him and he’d physically stuck by Lori’s side through everything, even if he’d been emotionally distant – something about the trip was pulling him and its tug was stronger than any hold she had on him.

 

With a deep breath, she refocuses on walking steadily and making it to the house without doing anything to alarm Daryl and it’s not easy since the hunter’s already on high alert for any sign of distress. He’d caught her crying the day before after Rick and Carl had come to say good-bye and he’d almost yelled for help before Beth had called to him, holding out her hand and he’d been at her side in an instant. The hunter had held onto the hand that didn’t have the IV, hooking a foot around the leg of a nearby chair to drag it closer so that he could sit without letting go of her hand and had talked with her quietly for hours until she’d fallen asleep. Even though they were very different, the ASZ hospital reminded her of Grady and she hadn’t slept well when she was alone. He’d still been there this morning, sleepy but still watchful and it had been a long time since she’d felt as safe as she did at that point. Still, when Carol had come to make sure Beth was discharged and drive them back to the house, she’d been thoroughly relieved to leave the hospital behind.

 

The door opens as they gain the porch, Maggie standing there with Judith on her hip and a big smile on her face welcoming her sister home. Judy shrieks and flings herself forward toward Daryl who catches her one-armed while keeping the other hand firmly around Beth’s waist. Maggie grabs her sister and draws her inside while calling for Daryl and Carol to come in as well so that they can sit down and talk and Glenn emerges from the kitchen carrying little Hershel, who blinks sleepily at everyone. Once hugs and greetings have been exchanged and everyone’s settled around the kitchen table with cups of hot tea, they settle in for a serious conversation.

 

The more she’d talked to Rick, Beth had come to realize that he may have loved her and wanted her, but it was mostly for superficial reasons and she wondered if their courtship had gone on for longer if she’d have realized it. They had lived together a little over four months and Rick had only seriously courted her for about a month before he’d proposed and they’d married almost immediately. It made her uncomfortable to think about how easily she’d fallen for him, how short a time it had been even since the barbecue when Daryl had sex with Samantha before Beth had been completely overwhelmed by the attention and praise Rick had showered upon her, which had been a balm to her soul. She felt a huge amount of sympathy for Lori who’d told her once how loving and attentive Shane had been with her and Carl during Rick’s coma and how he had overwhelmed her in her grief when she’d thought Rick was dead.

 

Beth had told Maggie, Glenn, Daryl and Carol about her decision and only Maggie had said anything to her about waiting until Rick got back to see if they could work anything out, but the suggestion was half-hearted at best. Glenn, Carol and Daryl had not pushed one way or the other, but let her know that they would support her if divorce was what she wanted and they’d all agreed to help with whatever she needed. Carol knew the man who’d married them personally and he was also the one who’d help them with the divorce; he’d actually come to the hospital to help Rick and Beth through the process. Beth was going to keep Judith until Rick and Carl got back; if they didn’t come back, Beth would be able to keep the little girl without any issues.

 

Rick had been cold and distant during the process which had hurt and disappointed Beth even further; after all, she hadn’t stopped loving him, she’d just realized she didn’t think he truly loved her. More than anything, she couldn’t see settling for someone who only wanted her for what she could do for them or how she looked. Things happened…she could be in an accident and not ever look the same again or she could be hurt and unable to do the things that he liked so much. If he didn’t like her for more, there would be nothing to sustain them through the hard times and there were plenty of those in the world they were in now.

 

When Beth had told her about it, Carol had nodded and talked to Beth about the fact that Rick may not have meant to, but he’d basically set them up for failure. He’d known Beth had been brokenhearted over Daryl but had still done everything possible to make Beth fall for him while taking advantage of her vulnerable emotional state to win her over. Carol’s reasoning was that it was better to break off the relationship now and take some time to be alone before making any further decisions and Beth’s talk with Glenn had gone much the same way. Glenn was still struggling somewhat with guilt over not giving his opinion that they were moving too fast when Maggie had told him about the ring.

 

Maggie and Daryl were still furious with Rick for their own reasons. Maggie was angry that Rick had gotten her to give her blessing to the relationship, but she also felt guilty for not being there for Beth more instead of being away on a scouting mission or too excited about her pregnancy to really focus on what was happening with her sister and their former leader. Daryl was angry because Rick had so easily broken his promise to love and be good to Beth and lying to Daryl about the scouting mission, nearly convincing him to leave Beth as well. As far as Beth could tell they were both taking it personally because Rick had actively involved them in his plans and they had both initially agreed without question because they’d trusted him to do what was in Beth’s best interests and he had betrayed that trust.

 

Judith had held out her arms to Beth and was now clinging onto her stepmother as though she wasn’t going to let go for hours, so Beth cuddled her gently while the little girl babbled to her quietly while playing with Beth’s long, blonde hair. It was breaking Beth’s heart to think about living apart from Judith and she was just hoping Rick would allow her to still see the little girl if he came back safely. The worst thing about divorcing Rick would definitely be being separated from Judy. Carl was both old enough and independent enough that she knew he would visit her if he felt like it, but Judy was a different story.

 

Carol watches them for a moment and mentions she knows of a daycare not far from the station from which Rick normally works that’s always looking for skilled caretakers, “If you work there, you could still see her during the day when Rick’s working; he’s still going to want someone he can trust looking after her.”

 

“I’m a little worried about him keeping her away,” Beth admits, “He’s pretty upset with me right now.”

 

“He can’t really keep her away from you, can he?” Daryl asks, looking appalled at the idea of anyone keeping the little girl from Beth.

 

“He can if he wants,” Beth affirms “and he’s pretty angry right now. I think he thought I’d just be like Lori and stick with him no matter what, but when I realized he didn’t love me the way I thought he did I just couldn’t do it. There isn’t any formalized adoption here yet…if he doesn’t come back, I can just keep her, but if he does, I wouldn’t have any rights to her, unless he decided to leave her with me and we know that he won’t do that…he loves his kids so much.” Her eyes fill with tears and she blinks them away rapidly so that they don’t overflow.

 

“Have you thought about where you’re going to live when he comes back?” Glenn asks. “We can put in to get a larger house and you could move back in with us.”

 

Beth smiles gently at her sister and brother-in-law, but before she can reply Carol breaks in saying, “You know the new apartment I moved to a couple months ago? The one across the hall is still free, if you’d like that. It’s just one bedroom, but big enough you could fit the crib in with your bed.” Carol had moved as soon as she’d found another place she’d liked to put some distance between herself and Samantha and the apartment building was a small one with only four units, but it was brick and seemed secure so Carol felt comfortable living on the first floor.

 

“Oh, Carol, thank you! That would be great, but I don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of you…”

 

“You wouldn’t be. Sasha and Ty just moved in upstairs and Daryl just agreed to take the other upstairs apartment, so if you’d take the one across from me, you’d be surrounded by family and it would make all of us so happy to have Judy there for a while at least.”

 

“You’re moving?” Beth asked Daryl, surprised that he’d want to leave the house he’s been sharing, especially since the apartment could sit abandoned for months at a time when he was on a scouting mission and there wouldn’t be anyone to look after things.

 

A faint flush stained Daryl’s cheeks and the tips of his ears turned pink, “Seemed like a good idea,” he muttered, “Maria moved in with Tara and they’re pretty…enthusiastic. Felt even weirder without Michonne there.” His voice trailed off as he looked at Judith and flushed darker, causing Maggie and Glenn to momentarily grin and nudge each other.

 

Carol glanced at the couple and added, “There’s a house close by that’s free too…two bedrooms, all one level…you should come see it, I know the person who handles the housing in that area.”

 

Maggie glanced at Glenn before answering, “We can look at it today if that would work.”

 

At Carol’s affirmative, Beth spoke up, “I’d like to come see the apartment too; the sooner the better, right?” She glanced around the room and received supportive looks from everyone before continuing, “If you give me the information for the person at the nursery, I can go talk to them tomorrow.”

 

“I’ll check when they’re free and let you know.” The older woman stood and added, “I’m going to go find June and ask her when she can show us the house and apartment…I’ll be back soon.”

 

Maggie and Glenn only stayed and talked a while longer until little Hershel started squalling and letting them know he was either wet or hungry or both and his parents whisked him away to try to relieve his discomfort. Judith had fallen asleep in Beth’s lap, so Daryl asked if he could get the young blonde anything.

 

Since he was looking uncomfortable with nothing to do with his hands, Beth asked that he put on some water for tea before asking, “Aren’t you worried about the apartment being empty for months at a time? I thought you liked living with Tara because she hasn’t been going on runs and someone was always there.”

 

Daryl ducks his head and Beth can tell he’s embarrassed about something, but waits patiently to let him get his thoughts in order until he clears his throat and mutters, “Changed my job.” He looks up at her through his bangs before focusing his eyes on Judith’s little blonde head. “I’m going to be working on the security force here in Alexandria,” he adds, reaching out to rub the toddler’s back. “Different team from Rick...just wanted to stick around more,” he says, now addressing the teapot before picking it up and taking it over to the stove, so that he could empty it and rinse it quickly with the boiling water to warm it before tossing in a couple teabags.

 

Beth’s stunned for a minute and just blinks at him a few times, absently rubbing Judith’s back, “That’s what you want?” She recovers quickly and adds, “I didn’t mean anything by that, I just thought you liked going on the scouting missions.”

 

“Nah,” Daryl says softly. “Seem like a waste sometimes; only brought in two new people last trip…didn’t even find many supplies and lost four good people from our party when another group attacked us. Sometimes you forget why you’re even out there fighting; at least here I can remember.” He glanced up to briefly meet her eyes before dropping his own once more.

 

The young woman briefly scrunched her forehead in silent sympathy before saying sincerely “I’m really glad you’ll be staying, Daryl.” She thinks for a second, before grinning at him, “If I can get that last apartment, you can spend time with Judy and help me spoil her rotten.”

 

He laughed, surprised, “Put Rick through hell when he gets back?”

 

“Well, I don’t want her to be obnoxious, but I really want her to feel extra-loved and she adores her Uncle Daryl!”

 

“Yeah, I’m her favorite” he agrees smugly, which makes Beth give a surprised giggle and roll her eyes.

 

“I know! I know! You’re her superhero…I’m just the one who feeds her, bathes her, gets up with her in the middle of the night…” Beth’s voice chokes off and eyes fill with tears before she looks away, blinking again.

 

“Hey, it’s okay” Daryl says softly, “You’re both going to be okay, Beth” He runs a rough, comforting hand down her back as he kneels by her chair for a moment to look her directly in the eyes. “You’re amazing. Rick was wrong…you didn’t do anything to deserve this.”

 

She wipes away the tears with one hand and sniffles “I should have known it was too much too soon, but I was hurting and he did all this stuff to try to make me happy and keep me distracted and I just let him. I feel so stupid!” Daryl hands over his bandanna so she can blow her nose, which she does and then stares at the dark red material. “I’m so sorry, Daryl.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For falling for him so soon after we broke up; I never meant to hurt you or let you think I didn’t love you…all I wanted was for you to stop hurting yourself and trying to prove to both of us you weren’t good enough for me…which has never been true, by the way.”

 

The hunter shakes his head in response, “We’ve talked about this, Beth. You have nothing to be sorry for; I just…I couldn’t believe that someone could love me like that, just because I was me.” As she draws in a breath to speak, he holds up a finger, “Wait, I want to tell you something…I found a book, guess it’s called a workbook, Carol’s been helping me with it a little…you can help me too, if you want, sometimes. There are things I have to do alone, but some stuff it’s good to have help.”

 

“What kind of workbook?”

 

“It’s called _Overcoming Childhood Abuse_ ,” his gaze is steady on hers now…Beth and Carol know more about his past than anyone else alive and have never shown him anything but acceptance and understanding. “I want to be able to let it go” he adds “It’s time.”

 

She can’t help the small sigh that escapes her at the news; she feels like a weight’s been lifted from her very soul at the determination she sees in his eyes and on his face, “I’m so happy for you, Daryl; you know I’ll help in any way I can.”

 

They talk for a while longer over more tea, until Carol comes back and they get Maggie and Glenn. They’re jammed into the car…Glenn and Daryl in the back with Beth and Judy while Maggie rides shotgun next to Carol, but they’re too excited to mind. Maggie and Glenn have no desire to live next to Rick after what’s happened and they are all looking forward to a fresh start.

 

They see the house first and it’s nice, very simple and with the most basic furniture, but it’s well-built and there are no odd smells or stains. Basically, it’s a box with a kitchen, living room, two bedrooms and a nice bathroom with an attached laundry room all on one level, but there’s also a deep front porch with an overhang and a good-sized pantry in the kitchen as well as a chain link fence around the entire yard. There are already some furnishings, which the Rhees can keep or trade for their current ones and the couple barely exchanges a look before accepting the place and enthusing about their new home.

 

The apartment is only a couple blocks away and it’s basically just two large rooms, a small laundry area and a bathroom, but there too things are clean and appear to be in good shape. The kitchen is divided from the living area by some lower cabinets and a breakfast bar which substitutes for a table. People have to walk into the bedroom to get to the bathroom, so it’s not the best for company, but with everything on one level it’s safer for a toddling Judith. The rooms are a good size, all the floors are hardwood and the bathroom and kitchen had to have been re-done not long before the Turn because they are in great shape and, to Beth at least, they’re pretty. There’s a smallish back porch, covered by the deck outside of Daryl’s apartment, with the added bonus of the back yard for the building being surrounded by a tall wooden fence so that Judith would have a fairly safe area to play and Beth’s thrilled to see there would be enough room to put in a small vegetable garden. She barely refrains from bouncing on her toes like a kid as she makes arrangements to take over the apartment. The existing furnishings are already more to her taste than anything in her current home, which is still overwhelmingly masculine in spite of her efforts, and she’s pleased that the only things she’ll really need to add are a crib and changing table so that she can leave everything intact over at Rick’s.

 

Once everything’s settled, Daryl goes up to his apartment to rest before his shift starts and Carol drives Beth, Maggie, Glenn and the kids back to their current homes before telling Beth she’d come by to get her for her interview the next day. Maggie and Glenn thank Carol and head into their house to put Hershel down for a nap while Beth thanks the gray-haired woman for everything, so grateful for the help and support she’s provided that she gushes for a moment before Carol stops her.

 

“There’s a way you can thank me” the older woman says gently. “Just don’t jump back into anything with Daryl, okay? I know you still love each other; I can see it when you look at one another, but you both need time. You’re hurting from Rick and Daryl’s trying to work through some things that are hard for him, so just don’t rush things. I don’t want to see history repeat itself.”

 

“He told me about the workbook,” Beth admits. “He said you were helping him and asked me to help too.” She takes a deep breath before adding, “It all hurts so much, but I don’t want to make another mistake or push Daryl before he’s ready…we both need time to heal. When Daryl came back after…well, after what happened, he hadn’t changed his attitude about himself, I could tell he was still holding on to his past and it scared me what he would do next to ‘prove’ he wasn’t good enough. I never thought about dating anyone else or falling for anyone else, all I could think about was Daryl…Rick just swept me off my feet before I knew what was happening. I’m not blaming him….”

 

“I am” Carol breaks in, “he’s a grown man who’s been through other relationships and was married to Lori for a long time...he should have known better than to move in on his best friend’s girl right after they broke up. He hated what Shane did and turned around and did it himself, almost like a ‘Fuck you’ to Shane and Lori; only, he didn’t hurt them, he hurt you and Daryl, the man who’s always had his back and would have died for him.”

 

“I’m a grown-up too, I just haven’t had that much experience,” she sighs, “I didn’t think about it that way, but I’ve been thinking about Lori a lot and feeling so sad for her. She told me once that Shane was super attentive to both her and Carl while Rick was in a coma and after Shane told her Rick had died it just seemed natural to turn to him for love and comfort; it just never occurred to me that I was doing the same thing with Rick.”

 

“You were hurt and lonely; most of the time you only had Rick and the kids and he was putting a lot of effort into courting you. He’s also very handsome, mannerly, articulate and when he puts his mind to it, he can be very charming; he’s also very confident and that must have been refreshing.”

 

Beth blinked, surprised and shook her head, “He’s all those things, but so is Daryl…at least to me, he is…maybe not the confident in all situations, but all the rest. Besides, those things are nice, but they’re not why I fell for Rick. It was that he tried so hard to make me happy, took me to things like the a capella concerts in the park even if he didn’t particularly enjoy them himself; talked with me and remembered our conversations. He’s a great dad, too, you know…he loves spending time with Carl and Judy and he always complimented me on what a great job I did with the kids and everything else. It was like he noticed everything and I felt like everything about me was important to him; instead, it turns out I was just a babysitter and housekeeper who’d have sex with him.”

 

“If it helps, I don’t think he thinks that he’s really conscious of it or would even feel like there’s anything wrong with any of that if he was, it’s probably how he was taught to be by his parents. Lori told me about things that were wrong in their marriage and a lot of it was basically that he felt that as long as he provided for his family and gave her pretty things once in a while it should have been enough for her, but he spent most of his time at work or with friends and if he was home Shane was usually there or they’d have parties with a bunch of friends over. There wasn’t much time with just the two of them and he really didn’t spend much time playing with Carl or anything. She said when they first married that Rick put time into them, but it didn’t take long before their time just went away and a lot of the things he did when they were courting just went away.”

 

“He still works a lot and when we were fighting, he brought up how he’d given me a place to live, food and such and at first it surprised me and then I remembered what he was like with Lori. He kept driving the whole group until we found the prison and he was so aggressive about taking it over and giving her a safe place and a safe place for their kids, but he’d barely give her the time of day if it wasn’t strictly necessary and he didn’t hold Judith at all for days when she was first born…it was like if he provided those things they wouldn’t need anything else. I thought it was just that he was mad at Lori about Shane, I didn’t think anyone thought like that except on TV or something.”

 

“Some men just think that way…some people think that’s love, but what happens if you can’t give those things anymore? There’s nothing there sometimes.” Carol reaches out to gently run her hand over Judith’s fine hair as she replies, “I remember Carl trying to take care of this one and being so helpless at it, but determined to try. We were lucky to have you in the group, you know. I loved watching her sometimes, but I didn’t want to try to be her mother and Maggie wanted to do everything with Glenn…she wouldn’t have been happy being stuck with someone else’s baby. You took care of your dad and Judith and Carl and I know you were still missing Lori at that point.”

 

“I still miss her sometimes…she wasn’t really like a mom to me or anything, but losing Mama was just horrible and Lori was there for me. Maggie wasn’t paying attention to anyone but Glenn and Daddy was focused on Rick and how to help Rick, so they both ended up ignoring me a lot. Lori really took me under her wing…I think she needed someone to care for because Carl wanted to be with his dad and doing ‘manly’ stuff and Rick was being the way he was and it just helped us both. I don’t know what I’m going to do without Judy and I’ve never lived on my own, but at least all of you will be there to help me out and I can’t think of a better way to do it.” She looks down as Judith starts rubbing her eyes and adds, “I’d better get inside and get her to bed. Do you want to come in for a while?”

 

“No, thanks, I need to get going, but I’ll come by and pick you up tomorrow around eight-thirty. Just dress neatly…your file shows you are well suited for caretaking so you should be a shoe-in for the position. Do you have a lot of things to move?” she adds as an afterthought.

 

“Just my clothes, a couple books and my teapot…I haven’t seen another one like it and I’m really attached to it. Rick never thought it was anything special…I’ll pick him up something else while I’m out so he won’t be able to complain I’ll have to take a bunch of Jude’s things too, but I’ll go to the storage place and look for a new crib and changing table, though I hope I don’t have to worry about diapers much longer…we’re working on going potty like a big girl, aren’t we, sweetie?”

 

Judith shakes her head and buries her face in the crook of Beth’s neck and shoulder, so the women just laugh and part ways.

 

The next couple days are a whirlwind for Beth as she interviews and gets the job at the daycare, which turns out to be close to the school where Ty teaches and Carl attends as well as not too far from the office Rick will return to if he makes it back to Alexandria. Carol helps her move all her personal items and most of Judith’s, too, out of Rick’s house and over to her apartment, then takes her down to the old furniture store which has been converted into a kind of storage facility where people can go to get furnishings they need. They find an adorable crib that’s all white and deep enough to keep Judith from climbing out, and a short chest of drawers with a removable changing table that fits over the top and both will fit easily into Beth’s new bedroom.

 

Her search for a new teapot for Rick is successful and she finds some plates, bowls, cups and saucers for her new place that are red, white and blue, but all the same pattern, so that they can be mixed and matched. The red and blue are beautiful, rich shades and the white makes a nice contrast to both and her favorite teapot nearly matches the blue, so she decides they’re perfect and changes out the existing dishes in the apartment for the new ones. She also finds other kitchen supplies, the linens they need, some soft, pretty blankets and a couple quilts that suit her simple, yet feminine tastes. The best thing is that she manages it all in the same day, gets in her shopping at the market and men come to deliver the new crib and chest of drawers that evening. Almost before she knows it Rick’s house is locked up and they’re settled into their new place and Beth has Judith fed, sung to, bathed and in bed at her usual time before Beth is able to shower the grime from her own hair and body, braid her damp hair and crawl into bed.

 

Work takes some getting used to…she’s never worked at a formal job like this. Before the Turn she’d earned her money doing babysitting and light housekeeping for families in their community, most of whom she knew through church. Her body adjusts to the active job fairly easily, but getting used to the administration and paperwork is harder as well as having to learn to ask for permission before doing things with or for the children in her classroom. There are two other women who work in the same room and she feels very fortunate that they are nice and help her make adjustments.

 

Judith’s adjustment is even harder than Beth’s; she’s never had to share her stepmother with other small children and she’s clingy and possessive for the first few weeks, but Beth and the other teachers in the room, Misty and Tina, are patient with her and it doesn’t take too long for her to only demand Beth if she’s exhausted, hurt or sick. Misty, a beautiful young woman with long black hair, bright blue eyes, pale skin and a normally gentle, cheerful attitude quickly becomes her second favorite and Beth will sometimes see her stepdaughter whispering and giggling with the other woman and it makes her smile.

 

Being around the other children is helping Judith’s development in all sorts of ways…most of the others are talking and Judith’s speech becomes much clearer and her vocabulary seems to grow every day. The little girl’s suddenly also eager to get potty trained since some of the others in the class already are and it becomes important to her to be one of the “big kids,” which is a huge relief to Beth, who is looking forward to not having to change diapers anymore. When she mentions to Daryl that she can’t find a training potty for Judith, he finds a wooden child’s chair, cuts the legs to the right height, cuts a hole in the seat and adds some runners to hold a small plastic bowl he finds in place under the hole and presents his little Asskicker with her own little potty. (Of course, he’s also immediately embarrassed by the fact that she wants to use it at once and insists he stay in the bathroom to praise her efforts and help clean her up, but he makes it through the whole ordeal without dying despite the fact that he’s so red Beth wonders if he’s actually going to have a stroke.) With the training seat at home, her progress is rapid and the first week she makes it through without needing a fresh diaper even once is celebrated with a picnic in the backyard with Beth, Daryl, Carol, Tyreese, Sasha and the Rhees.

 

Colds are a common occurrence through the first few weeks for both Beth and Judith, but Beth tries to stay on top of things and makes sure that they both use handkerchiefs and wash their hands frequently with soap and water. The children at the daycare are taught early to cover their noses and mouths any time they sneeze or cough and clean their hands after. Everyone’s scared of the diseases that had nearly been wiped out by vaccines in Beth’s childhood, but that had started to make a comeback even before the Turn because some parents had been scared to get their children immunized. None of the children in the daycare had been immunized against anything and the adults lived with the knowledge that it was possible one day someone would come in with an active virus that could end up killing some or even most of the children and endanger the whole community. Beth has nightmares about the virus at the prison sometimes. Maggie and Glenn had told her how bad it was and what it had done to its victims and she sometimes dreams they died and became walkers with blood leaking from their eyes and mouths and she’s determined nothing like that will happen to Judy if she can possibly help it.

 

Tyreese usually walks with Beth and Judith to and from the nursery since it’s on his way in the mornings and he comes by to spend some time with the little girl every couple days. There’s still something sad about the big, gentle man that touches Beth’s heart. Judith seems to feel it too and is even sweeter than usual when Ty’s around. He finds a child’s tea set somewhere, presents it to Judy and never seems to mind being her most frequent guest for tea other than Beth. Sasha comes with him sometimes, but most of her shifts are in the evenings and their schedules don’t often allow her to come by and visit although she knows she’s always welcome.

 

Carol stops in for a few minutes most days to check on them. Her calm, pleasant demeanor never seems to slip and Beth wonders sometimes how her friend’s really doing under that façade. Beth could see something had happened to both Carol and Tyreese after the fall of the prison, but they don’t share what it was and she doesn’t ask, just lets them spend as much time as they need to with her stepdaughter as long as the little girl’s happy to be with them.

 

Daryl comes by every day without fail, whether it’s only for a minute or hours at a time. Judy is excited to see him and it’s obvious he relishes his time with her just as much. Other than Beth, Daryl’s usually the one to take Judith outside to run around the yard, play catch with a green ball he’d found or teach her how to weed in the garden. Beth forgets sometimes that Daryl was mostly raised out in the country too and he tells her that one of his first jobs was getting paid to help some elderly neighbors keep their vegetable patch weeded and neat. Other times Carol takes the toddler and Daryl sits with Beth at the breakfast bar or on the couch as they go through his workbook together. He works on it with Carol too, Beth knows...sometimes he tells her about what they’d done or she sees the notes and things scrawled in the pages. He’s excited about the things he’s learning and Beth can see in his demeanor, actions and words that he’s retaining what he’s reading and not just going through the motions with the workbook. He’s intent on getting over his past and moving forward and anything Daryl’s focused on Beth believes is going to eventually yield to his will.

 

Beth makes it a point to take Judy over to her father’s house every week, not only to air it out, but to help the child remember it and feel comfortable running around. The young blonde lets the toddler nap there in her crib if she’s sleepy, play in the kitchen or back yard under close supervision when she feels like it and talks with the little girl about her daddy and brother every day to be sure she doesn’t forget. Judith sometimes asks about her father or Carl, but other than one crying fit early on when she’d begged for her daddy, she’s just seemed curious, not desperate and Beth was glad because they’d both ended up in tears that one night and the young woman isn’t sure she could take it on a regular basis. On their next visit to the house after the night of crying, Beth had taken Rick’s blanket back to the apartment for Judith to sleep with and thought the smell had helped calm the little girl.

 

As the end of the month approaches, Beth makes sure to leave Rick a note with their location and a basket with some soup she’d made and canned, a small pot of strawberry jam and a few teabags carefully sealed in a small tin to try to keep them as fresh as possible and not let bugs or mice in, just in case – enough that they’d have something to eat at the house without having to cook that first night. The first month comes and goes without any word, however, and so does a second and Beth prays for the safety of their whole group, but Rick Carl and Michonne particularly. She’d love to keep Judith for the rest of their lives, but not if it means that Rick and Carl are dead and she knows that’s the only way Rick would allow her to keep his little girl, so she prays for herself, too as well as Daryl who is going to be crushed without his little Asskicker, (Beth’s given up asking him not to call Judith that and is working with the little girl so that she doesn’t say it in front of anyone else – especially not at the daycare.)

 

By the end of the third month, Judith has a whole new wardrobe and no longer plays with most of the toys she had, so Daryl and Beth take her to find replacements and return the old toys that are in good enough shape to be passed on to another child. The one thing Judy won’t give up is a stuffed bunny Daryl found her one day and she’s already loved some patches of fuzz right off. Beth can’t help but snatch up a copy of “The Velveteen Rabbit” when she finds the book and she reads it to Judy on a nightly basis along with “Goodnight Moon.” She’d tried to let Daryl read to Judy the first night, but he’d gotten choked up reading about the toy rabbit and Beth had ended up reading it to both of them while Daryl cuddled Judy close and she’d clung equally to the small brown bunny and the redneck as they sat in the glider while Beth sat cross-legged on the bed and ignored when Daryl tried to wipe away a couple tears without her noticing.

 

Daryl finishes the workbook and continues to talk through things with Beth and Carol who keep helping him with whatever he needs. He’s still Daryl, but he interacts differently with most people now and his self-esteem continues to grow almost daily, which seems to help him in every other aspect of his life. They love him at his new job and he gets along well with his co-workers, one of whom is now Sasha and they usually end up doing their rotations on the wall and through their section of the safe zone together. Sasha and Ben had broken up and the other men plagued her if they were assigned together and Daryl had similar issues with the other women in their squad, so they were content to work together, sharing information or if they heard something funny, but largely silent as they walk together, using eye movements, hand signals, grunts or whistles to communicate and mostly resisting the blandishments of their other team members.

 

Neither Daryl nor Beth pushes their relationship in any way, but they gravitate naturally toward each other; while he and Carol have a strong kinship nobody makes him feel safer and freer to talk about things, try new things and take risks. Physical risks are nothing new to him – God knew his life had been at risk plenty of times – but emotional risks are completely different and terrifying to him. As hard as he tries, he can’t come up with a single time before the strange family he’d fallen into that he’d expressed any kind of vulnerability that he hadn’t been mocked and emotionally abused for exposing to others. Carol had been one of the first people ever to show him certain emotions were okay as well as express appreciation for anything he’d done as well as showing him that another person could keep secrets that weren’t their own.

 

As much as he loved and appreciated Carol, though, Beth was unchartered territory for him in many ways; he’d never known anyone else to whom he could express anything at all and she would always show him love and acceptance. Sure, sometimes they still fought about something or other, but it was never again as it had been at the moonshine shack. Between the book and practical suggestions from Beth and Carol when some of the ideas or exercises didn’t work for Daryl and the work he’d put in on his own the hunter had come a long way. His temper was now a side note in his personality rather than one of his defining characteristics and where he’d once dreaded conversations getting to know new people he now found he looked forward to it in a way that he hadn’t before. Looking people in the eye, smiling and shaking hands still wasn’t quite second nature, but it was a little easier each day and easiest of all when the petite blonde was at his side.

 

Of course, they’d talked about their current relationship as well as things that had happened in the past, it was only natural, but neither was pushing for anything more. Beth’s heart was still tender over what had happened with Rick and Daryl was still trying to learn the new ways of thinking and responding to situations and people. More than anything else, they wanted time to heal and grow, both for their own sake as well as each other’s, so that’s where they focused their attention. Beth had meant it all that time ago in the shack when she’d said Daryl would have to rely on himself to know that he was okay…it wasn’t just that people can go away without warning, it was that nobody can tell you you’re okay or worthy of love if you don’t believe it or tell it to yourself. With a wisdom beyond her years, Beth had always known that if you tell yourself you’re one thing or the other that it’s how you would act and what you’d believe and if you know something strongly enough whatever others think of you isn’t going to affect that knowledge and now that Daryl knows it too, they both want to be sure he remembers this time.

 

They focused on Judy too…the little girl was the living embodiment of growth and change and they both did everything they could to shower her with love and care while teaching her good habits and trying not to let her become spoiled. Misty actually helped with that a lot…she was only a year older than Beth, but had cared for her four younger siblings growing up and was a great resource for the blonde. A few days after Beth started at the daycare, she’d had the dark-haired woman for supper one night after Daryl had met her and the hunter surprised them both by bringing home one of his co-workers named Dave who’d taken one look at Misty and she at him and Beth was pretty sure they forgot anyone else was in the room for at least the next fifteen minutes. Dave had taken Misty home at the end of the night, confessed to Daryl that he’d gotten up early to find rings the next morning and about two months later had come to the daycare and proposed in front of Tina, Beth and a roomful of giggling toddlers. Now they were close friends and frequent visitors…the first people outside of their group to whom Beth and Daryl had genuinely connected and it had helped the ASZ feel more like home.

 

In the early morning, about midway through the fourth month Beth’s awakened by knocking on her door and hurries, bleary-eyed to answer it. A glance through the peep-hole has her gasping and opening the door to Rick and Carl and then she nearly faints at the sight of the half-empty sleeve of the left arm of Rick’s shirt. Carol’s door opens and the older woman steps out, her hand to her chest as she sees Rick’s arm and then everyone’s hugging and welcoming the travelers back. Daryl, Ty and Sasha come downstairs to check out the commotion, all still waking easily to unusual noise and everyone ends up in Beth’s apartment. After she retrieves a groggy Judith from the bedroom and hands her over to Rick, Beth puts on water for tea, turns on the oven and starts slicing bread and grating cheese to make everyone some cheese toast as an early breakfast.

 

When Carl exclaims over the cheese, Daryl explains that a nearby community had a fairly large herd of cows they’d managed to catch and were now starting to provide cheese and some fresh milk once in a while. The farm was on the outskirts of the community, but the fences were rumored to be diligently maintained and patrolled and it had been surprisingly successful. Tyreese contributes that the greenhouses at the school were doing very well as well as the colonies of beehives kept away from the main campus for fear of students being stung and added that another community had managed to grow a wheat crop and mill it into flour. Beth finally can’t take it anymore and breaks in to the resulting discussion of how improved nutrition is helping many of the problems people had when they arrived in the community and demands to know what happened to Rick’s arm.

 

The former deputy looks at his ex-wife for a moment, then around the room before he looks back at his daughter who’s snuggled into his chest and fallen back asleep before starting his story. When they were close to where the rumored new zone was, the group had stopped their trucks where they were still hidden behind a thick grove of trees to send a scouting party ahead to check on the location and determine if they thought it would be okay to proceed. Naturally, Rick had elected to go ahead of his team and Michonne and Carl had gone with him along with another man. When they saw the walls of the new safe zone and the men patrolling them, they’d hidden to watch for several hours and listen to the scraps of conversation that drifted to them occasionally. All that had gone well and they had turned around and almost made it back to the vehicles to report that the information they’d received seemed to be accurate and give the go-ahead when a pack of about ten walkers had found them and, while Rick was fighting one off, another had surprised him and bitten his left wrist. Michonne had killed the last walkers while the man who’d been with them, James, had pulled the machete Rick had at his waist but hadn’t been using to cut off his arm right below the elbow after Carl had used his belt to make a quick tourniquet above the joint. He’d passed out and they’d carried him back to the vehicles where someone had heated an iron skillet over a fire and used it to cauterize the wound before they’d loaded him back in the vehicles and risked taking him to the new safe zone.

 

The leadership of the Lake District Safe Zone hadn’t been thrilled to allow the Alexandrites to bring a wounded, already fevered man inside their walls, but there were two doctors among their people and in the end they’d let the newcomers in and treated Rick for his arm, blood loss and the resulting infection from the unsterilized weapon. Carl snorted and contributed he was lucky he’d cleaned the machete that morning and it hadn’t also had walker blood on it or the whole thing could have ended differently. The teen looks older and Beth can tell it’s not just the fact that he’s obviously grown or that he’d had a haircut, but there’s something in his eyes that says the whole experience had been thoroughly bad for him.

 

Negotiations had gone very well, mostly led by another member of the team named Anne James, but what had really solidified things was the DC group helping the northerners against another group that had been attacking their people and raiding their supply convoys going between their zone and three others each less than fifty miles from the Lake District zone. Once the marauders had been eliminated everything else had gone smoothly. Rick hadn’t participated in the fighting, he’d still been tied down to a bed at that point and being given antibiotics and a saline drip, but both Carl and Michonne had. When asked, Carl just shook his head and said they’d done what they’d set out to do and then asked if the toast was ready because he was starving.

 

Conversation over breakfast is lighter, everyone else talking about what was new since Rick and Carl had left, and things almost seem okay until Rick hands a still-sleeping Judith over to Carl and asks Beth to help him get her things packed so that he can take her home. All conversation stops at that point and Beth knows she’s not the only one in the room who feels stricken at the announcement. Everyone there loves the little girl and after nearly four months nobody can quite believe she won’t be there anymore.

 

Getting Judith’s things together and packing them in a carryall is excruciating for Beth and every detail seems to stand out in sharp relief to the young woman. Every outfit, toy, blanket and toiletry for the toddler had been picked with care and Beth can list every one. There aren’t a huge number…the way the world is, everything that was outgrown had been returned and Beth had only picked enough new clothes to get Judith through a week at a time. She reminds Rick about the daycare and how well Judith’s been doing and that it would be on Carl’s way to school in the mornings and not horribly far from Rick’s job as she packs and she’s surprised that he agrees to bring her to the nursery, but adds that he’s off the next few days and wants to spend time with both his children.

 

Carol and Sasha both leave with Tyreese shortly after Rick goes, the big man stopping only long enough to give Beth a gentle hug before departing with tears dripping from his eyes. Instead of bustling around and trying to make silly small talk as he might once have done, Daryl studies Beth, who’s standing in the middle of the room with empty eyes and her hands hanging loosely at her sides before he puts down the cup in his hand and approaches the young woman. He uses a finger on her chin to gently tilt her head until her eyes meet his and as awareness seeps back in, a wail emerges from her mouth that has to be the most heartbreaking sound he’s ever heard. In an instant he has her wrapped in his arms and is pulling her to the couch so that he can sit and snuggle her into his lap. He’s not sure how long he holds her before the crying finally stops, but he’s grateful a nearby drawer in the end table holds a supply of clean handkerchiefs because they’re both bawling, lost in their grief. Even if Judy comes to visit, they know Rick’s probably never going to let her even spend the night with Beth again and they both love that little girl.

 

Rick follows through with his promise after the first few days and Judith comes back to the daycare, screaming when she sees Beth and refusing to let go for hours. Even without Judith’s clinging, Beth’s not sure how well she functions the rest of the day because she’s barely been able to eat or sleep without the toddler in the house with her and the days have been passing in a blur. Both Misty and Tina seem to understand and neither leaves Beth alone in the classroom that first week. They know she’d never intentionally hurt or neglect a child, but they can tell she’s not all there and gently help in any way they can.

 

After the first week, Maggie’s had enough and practically drags Beth out of the apartment and down to the grief support group that meets several nights a week not far from where they live. Not all the people are the same each time and many aren’t very pleasant simply because they’re all hurting, but it’s enough to kick start Beth and she remembers a book her father had kept in his office about the stages of grief and she hunts through the market until she finds a copy of it “A Grief Observed” by C. S. Lewis. She starts out reading it alone, but when Daryl sees it he starts reading with her and then both Tyreese and Sasha join in. Only Carol doesn’t seem to want to join their little group and participate and Beth doesn’t press. It takes weeks for the pain to subside to a constant, dull ache, but she’s determined to enjoy the time she does get with Judy and the others take to dropping by the nursery when they can to see the little girl as well.

 

Of course it also takes weeks for Judith to stop clinging to Beth like the last lifesaver in a tossing sea for hours each day and then again when Rick, Carl or sometimes Michonne comes to pick up the little girl in the afternoons. It’s the hardest thing Beth’s ever had to do to let Judith go at those times and tell her she’d see her the next day. It’s the worst on the weekends when Beth has to say it will be three sleeps before they see each other again instead of just one. Not only does she hate it for both of them, she’s worried she’s giving Judith abandonment issues that will haunt the girl her whole life. Beth’s careful to shower the toddler with love and affection when they see each other and talk about the next time they should one another. The first time Rick asks her to keep Judith since he has to work late and Carl’s away, Beth thinks she misheard him for a moment, but then accepts immediately and there’s a party in the back yard of the apartment building that night. Well, they have chili and cornbread, but they all make it a party, even Maggie and Glenn come and bring a pound cake they managed to buy somewhere that tastes like heaven to them all and they all bemoan the fact that actual sugar seems to be going the way of the dodo. Sasha jokes that they should all head back south…maybe into Florida, where there would be fruit trees and they could grow sugar cane – at least they think she’s joking, although the days are growing colder and sunshine and fruit trees sound awfully good right about then.

 

oo))O((oo

 

Twelve more months pass and they’re not easy.

 

A couple months after the first night Rick asks Beth to take Judith home, Maggie and Glenn volunteer to go on a supply run in a train of horse-drawn wagons to a neighboring community, Hilltop, about twenty miles away. They leave little Hershel with Beth for the day, expecting to return that night and collect the baby. Instead, the wagon train is attacked by a band of men calling themselves The Saviors whose leader is a man named Negan whose weapon of choice is a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Negan decides to make an example out of Glenn and Maggie has to watch as the man uses his bat to crush her husband’s skull, the barbed wire ripping out flesh and brain matter with each blow. The Saviors take what they want and leave the remaining Alexandrites to pick up Glenn’s body and take the remaining wagon back to the safe zone. Maggie’s never the same after that, but after a night of grieving and Glenn’s burial the next morning, Beth sees her sister transform into the earthly equivalent of a Valkyrie. Maggie leads the fight against The Saviors and when she finds that the leader of Hilltop is in league with Negan, she kills the man with a blade directly through his chin and into his brain.

 

Rick and Daryl both fight alongside Maggie as well as others from the ASZ, the remaining people in Hilltop and people from another safe zone called The Kingdom, which has also suffered at the hands of The Saviors. In the end, the gang of murderous thieves is killed off and Rick captures Negan and tries to hold him prisoner over the strong objections of Maggie and most of the other residents of the three communities. The imprisonment doesn’t last long. They never know who it is who sneaks down to the cell where the man who wielded Lucille is being held and ends his life, but Maggie’s above suspicion as she was at a public meeting between the time Rick last saw the prisoner alive and when Negan’s body is discovered.

 

The people of Hilltop have come to regard Maggie as their leader and, after that meeting, she takes little Hershel and moves to the neighboring community. She still comes to visit on supply runs once in a while and Daryl and Beth go with supply chains and see Maggie and Hershel in return.

 

Carl is injured during the fighting, shot in the face with an outer ring of shotgun pellets most of which seem to go past the right side of his head. By some miracle his eye is fine, but his face and the ear on the right side of his head will never be the same. He’s changed inside too, both gentler and braver; he has his father’s courage with strong sides of realism and caution that keep him from making such impulsive choices. He still sees Lucy, who reminds Daryl a little of Beth, only taller and without quite as much light inside her, but still enough to make Carl’s path brighter.

 

In spite of everyone’s expectations, Michonne and Rick don’t become a couple, although it doesn’t seem to be for a lack of effort on Rick’s part. The warrior woman continued to live with Rick and his kids for several months after the fighting ended, but then moved out, taking over an apartment where she lived alone. Instead of seeming sad about it, she seemed happier than before. Rick met another woman, a widow without children, who happened to be named Andrea like the woman Beth had met so long ago on the Greene family farm. She’s also blonde and some people say she and Beth look a lot alike, but Beth doesn’t see it. Judith and Carl love Rick’s new woman, though, and Beth has nothing other than good wishes for them all.

 

It takes a lot for Beth not to follow Maggie and Hershel to Hilltop, but her life’s now in the ASZ and with Daryl. After Judith graduated to the next level class at the daycare, Beth requested a change of jobs and now worked with the security team in the same group of people as Daryl. Although they aren’t allowed to pair up together, their supervisor makes sure to give them the same shift so that they can spend as much time together as possible. Daryl misses Sasha as a partner on his patrols, but there are things he loves about having the woman as a supervisor.

 

They took things as slowly as they could, but even before Glenn’s death Daryl and Beth had both felt ready to move their relationship forward. After Glenn’s funeral, Daryl had simply moved his meager personal belongings down to Beth’s apartment and they’ve been together ever since. Neither can remember a time when they’ve been happier and their love seems to grow more every day. At least Beth’s belly does…she won’t be able to do patrols much longer before she’ll be too far along to run if it became necessary and one of the requirements to be on a security team is that you have to be able to run. After the baby’s born, though, she’s not going back to the daycare; if she goes back to work at all it will be on the wall, and it’s comforting to know there’s a building full of babysitters, including Michonne who now lives above the Dixons.

 

Carol’s friend who’d married Beth to Rick and then married her to Daryl hadn’t even looked at her funny – he’d seemed genuinely happy for the couple and Beth was glad. She’d wondered if Daryl was going to be the marrying kind, but when he’d asked her he said he wanted to make that commitment to her because he needed her to know he meant it and she was worth it. They only had Maggie (with Hershel) as a witness as neither of them wanted a big ceremony; after all, they were each doing it to show the other their devotion, not to prove anything to anyone else. Daryl had found a wedding band for each of them at the market – nothing taken off a walker’s finger for them – and had even managed to find a small pair of gold and diamond earrings that matched the ones she’d never gotten back from the hospital. When he gave them to her after they’d signed the marriage register, Beth had cried and told him the originals had been a gift from her maternal grandparents on her sixteenth birthday, (the same birthday when her parents had given her the silver double-heart necklace that had also been lost), and that having the pair just like them made her feel like her whole family was there with her and giving their blessing to the match.

 

Emma Rose Dixon is born almost exactly nine months later and Beth and Daryl are in a little pink cloud of bliss.

 

None of them know what the future’s going to bring, but they’re taking the moments they have and making the most of them while they can.

 

The End


End file.
